Where Are You?!
Posted on | November 13, 2008 | 3 Comments
Day 6, no call from Daddy 
I’m still counting, still caring. How long is he going to ignore us? What’s he doing right now? Does he ever think of me and baby? If so what kind of thoughts cross his mind? Does he still talk about us? If he does what does he say?
Ugh .. why do you have to do this, Daddy? Do you have any idea how much you’re hurting me, killing me right now? What have I ever done to you to make you think I deserve this? For as long as I’ve known you I’ve been nothing but good to you! You tell me about people of your past who have done nothing but wrong you and you still speak to them regularly? What’s the worst I’ve done to you? Not be a bitch enough for you? Not try to kill you? Not cheat on you? Not steal from you? Act like an adult around you? And I deserve the silent treatment?
Maybe you need space, maybe you need to think. Ok, I’m giving you that. But how much are you gonna need before you decide I deserve an acknowledgment that you remember I exist?
Remember when I was at your house and I started crying when you said you think maybe we need an abortion? You comforted me, told me to calm down and that we didn’t have to get one and you’d be ok with that to. You told me not to cry or stress out so much because not only would it hurt me, not only would it hurt you but it would hurt our little one. So why are you purposely stressing me out right now? Are you hoping that it will hurt the little one? Or are you just hoping that it hurts me?
I didn’t ask to be pregnant I’m sorry. If I could go back and change time we would’ve worn a condom that night so I could’ve forgotten about you long ago. But I can’t change time and I am carrying your baby. I have to deal with it. Why can’t you? Don’t you realize we will never go away? Remember when you said no matter what decision we make it effects you too? That’s still valid you know .. so why isn’t this effecting you?
Sigh.
I’ve come to accept that I am pregnant and I am having the baby. It’s just hard to accept that you’re doing this to me. How many more tears am I going to have to cry because of you?
Please just throw me a bone here. Am I going to have to start praying? Asking God for a miracle just so you pick up the phone and dial me to ask about your kid? A miracle just for you to tell me “Ok” you realize that you will be a father in July. To tell me “Yeah, Ok, baby can have my last name. Yeah, Ok, I will spend an hour or two with it on the weekends or every other weekend”
That’s all I fuckin want from you. Why is this so hard?
Tags: daddy (the ex) > frustration > pregnant and alone > scared
Comments
3 Responses to “Where Are You?!”
Leave a Reply
December 1st, 2008 @ 8:34 am
I feel bad for you but you have to realize that this man is a drug addict. He doesn’t care about you or the baby, his concern is about drugs! Do some research, educate yourself about drug addiction because you really don’t seem to GET IT. He’s not thinking about anything, he’s just getting high. He will probably end up dead. I am sorry to be so harsh, but it is true. Keep away from him and mostly, KEEP YOUR BABY AWAY FROM HIM!!! He’s dangerous.
December 30th, 2008 @ 11:02 pm
My son’s father ignored him and I both until my son’s 1st birthday.
THEN he told his parents about him. (Who now resent me because they think I was the one hiding our son’s existence)
It’s scary to be single and pregnant but you’re going to love that little boy like you wouldn’t believe!
I have to agree with anonymous though, he’s not thinking about you or your child, he’s just thinking about him.
In every circumstance where a man acts in this manner it is him that he’s thinking about.
In my case he tried to turn it around and show me how my life was going to be ruined but he was really just thinking about how he was going to be affected.
He didn’t care what it did to mine, otherwise he would have tried calling at the very least.
He wanted to be free to party with his friends and tour with his band.
It’s not always an addiction that wins, but it’s always something.
You just have to recognize that.
Be the mama bear. Protect your child and don’t let the effects of what shapes his decisions affect your child in a negative way.
You’re one of the lucky people that realize this early on.
Good for you
Use that to your advantage to remain a strong woman and an amazing mother.
Don’t question your instincts.
They know what’s best.
What you do from here on in affects not only you, but your child as well.
Good luck
Keep us updated!
December 30th, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
P.S: Give your baby your last name. That’s what parents do. If he doesn’t want to act like a parent or alknowledge what he is then he shouldn’t get that honour.