Why Doesn’t He Care?
Posted on | February 25, 2009 | 9 Comments
I’m feeling so frustrated with Daddy right now. My temper is fuming and I type this as anger-tears flood out of my eyes down onto my laptop keyboard.
I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s a permanent thought that’s killing me right now. It’s starting to hurt me all over again that he doesn’t care about his new son. He suddenly wants nothing to do with him.
It started last night when I was filling out our son’s memory book. It pissed me off how empty his side was, only filled out with basic information I know about him. His full name, his birthday, I know a couple of his hobbies. I have no idea where he went to school, what city he was born in or where he grew up. I don’t know his moms name, his sister’s name, his grand parents. What’s he done since graduation besides sit on the couch and smoke? I have no idea.
I can’t even call him and ask him these things because he doesn’t wanna talk to me. He’s too sick, something else is more important.
“Why does he treat me like this?” is something I often wonder. When we first met we were inseparable and he was so obsessed with me. He wanted desperately for me to feel the same about him, he wanted desperately for our connection to last, he wanted desperately to have a family with me. He got the family he wanted. No I’m not a girl that he’s known for years. No we never had a long term relationship. Yes, there was only lust, not love when we made our son, but why can’t we be on good terms and try to work together?
I’m not a bad person. I’m not a psycho-chick who wants to make his life miserable. I’ve always been nothing but nice to him since I’ve known him and he treats me like shit and now he’s treating our son like shit by ignoring him.
He doesn’t know we have a son. He doesn’t know that our son looks so much like him already. He has his head, his facial structure, his nose … and he’s a beautiful, perfect looking baby. He doesn’t know that our son will be here very soon. Just a couple more months to go. He doesn’t even know that I have a name for our son all picked out. I want so bad to call him and share the joy I have with him. That all I want from. To let him know all about what a perfect little person we have made. He doesn’t want to hear it.
So block me from Yahoo, delete me from your phone. You don’t plan on ever talking to me again, huh? You don’t plan on ever finding any of this information out? This is what you wanted yet you just want to pretend we don’t exist? Great.
I don’t even want him to be a full-time father, or really even part time right now. I don’t want to be his girlfriend. But dammit I just want him to care a little. I want him to know his son is his and how wonderful he is. The little boy he said he wanted so so badly when he first found out I was pregnant .. he got him.
But he DOESN’T. FUCKING. CARE.
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9 Responses to “Why Doesn’t He Care?”
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February 25th, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
You’re right. He doesn’t care. And I know that hurts. ESPECIALLY right now.
But I PROMISE you, sweetie, things will be better in the long run if you just let him go. Cut him loose. It’s not worth the struggle b/c he’s obviously not in the right frame of mind and he obviously has nothing to offer YOUR son.
Hang in there.
I <3 the new blog, btw.
February 25th, 2009 @ 4:29 pm
Hey there. Just another fellow single mom blogger here. Glad to find so many awesome blogs full of strength. Keep on keepin on, you’re doing a great job.
February 25th, 2009 @ 5:08 pm
I don’t plan on chasing him and it’s rare that I think of him any more these days. But when I was filling out the book I was kinda forced to think about him, I thought of his attitude and the conversation or lack thereof we had a couple of weeks ago and I just got so pissed all over again.
I fumed, I blogged, I threw my little tantrum and I feel better now. I know he’s not worth a damn for my baby boy and he has nothing to offer, but his stank attitude and the fact that he gets away with it pisses me off sometimes!
February 25th, 2009 @ 5:09 pm
Welcome, Hannah! Strong Single Mommies FTW!
Thanks for stopping by and complimenting me. I look forward to talking more with you in the future.
February 25th, 2009 @ 7:32 pm
I think you crawled into my mind and came out with every single thought I’ve had towards the father of my child during my pregnancy so far. My mom bought me a really cute baby book a few weeks ago I and I started bawling when I read through it because it was mommy and daddy everything. Its little things like that that make me upset. He’s always on my mind but I’ve learned that you can’t change his mind about it and instead of focusing on it all you can do is everything you can to get ready for your baby and to give that baby all the love you have. Hang in there and hopefully everything will just fall into its place
Btw congrats on the baby boy! I”m glad you’re having what you want.
February 26th, 2009 @ 8:03 pm
I started a journal for my daughter that I write very open, honest posts in 2-3 times per year (I plan to give it to her as an adult) and a have a baby blog that I update with cute stuff and milestones. A lot of moms scrapbook for their kiddos, which I wish I’d had time/resources to do.
You can also check this out if you want a “real” baby book:
http://www.adoptshoppe.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=421
I can completely relate to your angst about those stupid baby books!!!!
You definitely reserve to right to vent, vent, vent about your asshat ex whenever you need to.
February 28th, 2009 @ 8:47 am
So sad. Breaks my heart to see single parents. But I know evev unideal situations can be made into blessings. I hope the best for you and your baby and his father. Also makesnmenthink about why marriage is a big issue and means a lot to folks, tis the building block of society. Love
P.s. This is very random followed from a “the real shaq” twitter post.
February 28th, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
I was 17 and in high school when i got pregnant with my son (who is now 5). It’s hard to not feel angry. I remember the first days after he left, and showed how much he “CARED.” I had a Xanga at the time that I filled with angry rants and confusion. It wasn’t until the day I gave birth to my son that I realized that none of my anger or confusion mattered. That I was the sole provider for this little man. I raised him on my own with a 40 hour a week job, going and finishing school (with my class). I felt that even if his “father” didn’t care, I would show him that I did.. and that he could do anything he wanted to. It’s been 5 years since I’ve heard from my son’s father.. My anger, sadness and confusion have all left… I’m greedy now- glad and honored that I am the one my son loves and looks up to. Am I sad that his father isn’t around- sometimes. I feel bad for my son.. But, at the same time- I realized he’s better off without him.
I hope that you get thru your situation.. Blessings to you both! Good luck!
Ps. found you via Twitter.
March 2nd, 2009 @ 11:18 pm
Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. I really appreciate it