Comments on: Am I Not Commitment-worthy? http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/ I am a single mother of a biracial baby boy just trying to make it on my own. This journey is hard, yet rewarding. Blogging is my therapy, these words are my heart, and people doing better and being inspired by what I have written is my passion and hope. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:17:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Nicole http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-174 Nicole Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:40:34 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-174 Yeah, JME occasionally brings up the photos of BD and I know it bothers him that BD stays with us when he comes to visit but 1) the photos around are just for my son -- the only ones that are up are in his room and 2) absolutely nothing has/would ever happen with him spending the night. I just let him do it because I'm afraid that if he had to start paying for a hotel (we live 5 hours apart from each other) that it would just be another excuse not to see his son But, I can definitely understand any man's hesitation to become seriously involved with a single mom when they're afraid that despite what we may feel for them, we're just going to up and leave them for our BDs. NOT going to happen (at least for me lol, some single moms may feel differently). For me, that's all in the past -- it barely even WAS anything -- and I'm looking forward to the future, hopefully with JME. The facts are: BD is always going to be a part of my life because he is always going to be a part of my son's life. Case closed. Some guys (some that I know personally) are just too insecure to see things the way they really are. IMHO, of course :P Yeah, JME occasionally brings up the photos of BD and I know it bothers him that BD stays with us when he comes to visit but 1) the photos around are just for my son — the only ones that are up are in his room and 2) absolutely nothing has/would ever happen with him spending the night. I just let him do it because I’m afraid that if he had to start paying for a hotel (we live 5 hours apart from each other) that it would just be another excuse not to see his son

But, I can definitely understand any man’s hesitation to become seriously involved with a single mom when they’re afraid that despite what we may feel for them, we’re just going to up and leave them for our BDs. NOT going to happen (at least for me lol, some single moms may feel differently).
For me, that’s all in the past — it barely even WAS anything — and I’m looking forward to the future, hopefully with JME. The facts are: BD is always going to be a part of my life because he is always going to be a part of my son’s life. Case closed.
Some guys (some that I know personally) are just too insecure to see things the way they really are.
IMHO, of course :P

]]> By: Bridgette http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-173 Bridgette Wed, 04 Mar 2009 11:19:32 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-173 Heather - I keep telling myself some day it will happen and it doesn't bother me too much. Some days I don't feel in a rush for love, but then other days I flip out. Hormones? Yes, probably. It gets really bad on the days that I miss Thumper and dwell on our break up. Nicole - that makes perfect sense and I can see how he would figure BD would be in our lives. When he came to stay with me pieces of my BD were EVERYWHERE. His pics on my computer (I don't delete them cause I want my son to know what he looks like) clothes and other personal items he left behind. I could tell it made him very uncomfortable although my BD means nothing to me. Also I can see how he may not be ready. He lived a very sheltered life and he's just starting to break free from that and experience things. I can understand that and totally support it. It's just hard because he was the first guy I ever got this special feeling about that I can't explain. It would be nice if some day things could work out for us the way it did for you and JME. Heather – I keep telling myself some day it will happen and it doesn’t bother me too much. Some days I don’t feel in a rush for love, but then other days I flip out. Hormones? Yes, probably. It gets really bad on the days that I miss Thumper and dwell on our break up.

Nicole – that makes perfect sense and I can see how he would figure BD would be in our lives. When he came to stay with me pieces of my BD were EVERYWHERE. His pics on my computer (I don’t delete them cause I want my son to know what he looks like) clothes and other personal items he left behind. I could tell it made him very uncomfortable although my BD means nothing to me.

Also I can see how he may not be ready. He lived a very sheltered life and he’s just starting to break free from that and experience things. I can understand that and totally support it. It’s just hard because he was the first guy I ever got this special feeling about that I can’t explain. It would be nice if some day things could work out for us the way it did for you and JME.

]]> By: Bridgette http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-172 Bridgette Wed, 04 Mar 2009 11:12:17 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-172 OMG Nicole I had those dreams every single night in January. I would be dreaming that my BD would come steal our baby from me since every time we got in a fight he would threaten to take our son and try to get full custody. But those dreams disappeared the night I called him and he said he was "too sick" to hear the sex of the baby. Doesn't sound like a man who has too much motivation to be the sole parent of a child. OMG Nicole I had those dreams every single night in January. I would be dreaming that my BD would come steal our baby from me since every time we got in a fight he would threaten to take our son and try to get full custody. But those dreams disappeared the night I called him and he said he was “too sick” to hear the sex of the baby. Doesn’t sound like a man who has too much motivation to be the sole parent of a child.

]]> By: Nicole http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-171 Nicole Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:59:22 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-171 Oh, and like Satsuki said, strange pregnancy dreams are SO normal lol. I used to have dreams that my ex (not The Boy's father) would try to come and kidnap my son when he was sleeping in his playpen. It got to the point that I locked all of my doors when he was sleeping in it after he was born lol Oh, and like Satsuki said, strange pregnancy dreams are SO normal lol.
I used to have dreams that my ex (not The Boy’s father) would try to come and kidnap my son when he was sleeping in his playpen. It got to the point that I locked all of my doors when he was sleeping in it after he was born lol

]]> By: Nicole http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-170 Nicole Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:57:01 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-170 JME and I were well on our way to beginning a relationship when I found out I was pregnant. Then he pretty much stopped talking to me. I was hurt, obviously. I still resented him for it for a long time. Long enough that when we had our first fight as a couple it came up. It turns out that the reason he stopped talking to me is because he figured he didn't have a chance and he should move on. He thought that just because Jorty and I were going to have a baby that it meant we were going to be together too. It was until he figured out that Jorty never had a chance, that our relationship did. Maybe he kind of feels that way too? Either way, I doubt that it's you. A baby is a lot of commitment, even for the mom-to-be, so it can be a paralyzing thought for someone who isn't as intimately involved in everything as we are. He may just not be ready for it.. he may not feel that he can love and care for your child in the way that you'd need him to in your relationship. Regardless, you're going to find someone, some day, that loves you and your child. It may not happen as quickly as we'd like, but it will happen. You don't need a man. You're strong and you can do it on your own. You may want one, or think you need one, but he's not a necessity. You've got a new man in your life (soon, lol) and it's going to be lonely sometimes, but most of the time you won't have any time to dwell on being single! Relish in your time alone while you can mama lol JME and I were well on our way to beginning a relationship when I found out I was pregnant.
Then he pretty much stopped talking to me.
I was hurt, obviously. I still resented him for it for a long time.
Long enough that when we had our first fight as a couple it came up.

It turns out that the reason he stopped talking to me is because he figured he didn’t have a chance and he should move on.
He thought that just because Jorty and I were going to have a baby that it meant we were going to be together too.
It was until he figured out that Jorty never had a chance, that our relationship did.

Maybe he kind of feels that way too?

Either way, I doubt that it’s you.
A baby is a lot of commitment, even for the mom-to-be, so it can be a paralyzing thought for someone who isn’t as intimately involved in everything as we are.
He may just not be ready for it.. he may not feel that he can love and care for your child in the way that you’d need him to in your relationship.

Regardless, you’re going to find someone, some day, that loves you and your child.
It may not happen as quickly as we’d like, but it will happen.

You don’t need a man. You’re strong and you can do it on your own.
You may want one, or think you need one, but he’s not a necessity.
You’ve got a new man in your life (soon, lol) and it’s going to be lonely sometimes, but most of the time you won’t have any time to dwell on being single!
Relish in your time alone while you can mama lol

]]> By: Heather http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-169 Heather Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:47:59 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-169 Ooh, I just read the first comment and I must ditto it. Ooh, I just read the first comment and I must ditto it.

]]> By: Heather http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-168 Heather Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:45:44 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-168 It'll happen. When the time is right. TRY to have faith in that. It's normal to have these feelings and to feel them strongly. It's probably a mixture of the already intense emotions you're working with plus the fact that your world has been flipped upside down in a way that isn't in line with what you'd envisioned for yourself. TRY to embrace your you-ness. Everything's going to fall into place. It’ll happen. When the time is right. TRY to have faith in that.

It’s normal to have these feelings and to feel them strongly. It’s probably a mixture of the already intense emotions you’re working with plus the fact that your world has been flipped upside down in a way that isn’t in line with what you’d envisioned for yourself.

TRY to embrace your you-ness. Everything’s going to fall into place.

]]> By: Bridgette http://newsinglemama.com/166/am-i-not-commitment-worthy/comment-page-1/#comment-167 Bridgette Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:34:52 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=166#comment-167 You're right, dating is like putting pieces together or trying on shoes trying to find the perfect fit. I used to not think anything was wrong with me, though I've always been conscious of correcting the dating mistakes I've made and not giving out the wrong messages about what I'm about to my partners. I guess what about Thumper has thrown me for a loop is that we seemingly were perfect together. He knew it and I knew it. Every thing felt right, and I fell for him. But to just be told randomly "Hey I can't do it anymore. This is too much. I love you very much, but what you're going through isn't for me. Maybe we can try this again in a couple of years?" even though he was fully aware of my situation was just like. Wow. Is it really just that, or is it really me? I'm trying to get to a point where it doesn't matter anymore whatever the reason may be. Normally it does not take me long to get over short relationships, but dammit this time it's so freaking hard! Things have gotten easier but I still miss the guy like crazy. You’re right, dating is like putting pieces together or trying on shoes trying to find the perfect fit.

I used to not think anything was wrong with me, though I’ve always been conscious of correcting the dating mistakes I’ve made and not giving out the wrong messages about what I’m about to my partners.

I guess what about Thumper has thrown me for a loop is that we seemingly were perfect together. He knew it and I knew it. Every thing felt right, and I fell for him. But to just be told randomly “Hey I can’t do it anymore. This is too much. I love you very much, but what you’re going through isn’t for me. Maybe we can try this again in a couple of years?” even though he was fully aware of my situation was just like. Wow. Is it really just that, or is it really me?

I’m trying to get to a point where it doesn’t matter anymore whatever the reason may be. Normally it does not take me long to get over short relationships, but dammit this time it’s so freaking hard!

Things have gotten easier but I still miss the guy like crazy.

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