Enlightenment
Posted on | March 16, 2009 | 8 Comments
I have been avoiding people lately. Namely my friend, S, that guy I wrote about the other day, Thumper and a handful of other people.
I feel like it’s mandatory not only for myself and my sanity, but for my little boy as well. I guess I feel like with time there comes a place in parenthood where you become choosier about who your friends are and the group you roll with. My group of so-called friends desperately needed tweaking. I can’t live with the constant drama. I can no longer hang with the people who were cool as hell when I was a teenager, but have yet to mature past the age of 16 as 20-somethings. The people who are in no way shape or form uplifting to me. Those make it a struggle to preserve my inner peace and happiness. I figure what is the point anymore? Yes, things may be a little lonelier now, but I am better off. And you know what? So far it’s working.
I also feel like I can no longer do this on my own spiritually. It’s taken me awhile, but I realize I’m not Superwoman. I’m not able to completely control of my life and destiny. I’m not able to single-handedly juggle all that life throws at me. Maybe I need that Higher Power for guidance so I can find my way out of the darkness. I need Him for strength as I continue on trying to become the woman I need to be for not only myself, but for my son. To raise him up into an upstanding young man and provide him with a full life. I’m ready for things to be on the right track again and I feel they never fully will be without Him.
And no this will not turn into a preachy blog. Let’s just call it gradual spiritual enlightenment.
……………….
I had an emotional breakdown last night. I temporarily went insane. The pain became too much. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t get comfortable and on top of everything my son decided to start kicking me as hard as he could. It was driving me wild. I called my mom and let loose. She was awesome and drove over to just sit next to me until I fell asleep in bed. I think I’m going to buy some flowers and give them to her tomorrow for my birthday. Just to show her I appreciate her, firstly for all she went to bring me into the world and now all she does since I have been in the world. I completely understand being a mother now and I know it ain’t easy. It should be her day as much as mine.
Tags: inner peace > inner strength > spirituality
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8 Responses to “Enlightenment”
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March 16th, 2009 @ 6:52 pm
It's not easy, but you get used to it.
I think you're handling everything really well
It's really nice that your mom was able to drive over and be with you, I'm really glad I had mine through my pregnancy too. I think they're the only ones that can understand our emotions at times like these lol
Things will get better, not easier, but better, I promise.
March 16th, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
Beautiful, inspiring post, my dear.
You're doing amazingly well.
March 17th, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
Thank you
Moms can be great. Mine annoys me alot but she's been a life saver throughout all of this.
March 17th, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
Thank you much
March 17th, 2009 @ 3:38 pm
Bridgette only in this time and age are women expected to do it on their own. It's sad really. Years ago it was a whole community of women who supported the pregnant mother through and after birth. Now our Western "culture" if you can call it that, makes us feel like a failure if we can't do it on our own.
With hormones and the fear of the unknown (even if it's not fear it's uncertainty) it's good to have family and god to lean on. No matter what you believe in, after creating a life, and then holding it in your arms I find it really hard for people to not believe in a higher power. It's amazing to look down on this little life and think, I made you, you were inside me.. it's surreal.
I'm not sure how far along you are, but if you are uncomfortable you must be more then half way…hang in there
March 18th, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
Hi RTM! I'm 24 weeks now and this is my first child. It is very, VERY scary for me because I have no idea what's going on or what to expect. And then being overwhelmed with all that life threw at me 5 or 6 months ago has really made me stop, take a look around and realize I need help .. both spiritually and that of friends and family. So far it's made things easier.
Thanks for stopping by my blog
March 28th, 2009 @ 12:47 pm
Dear One,
Life can be very challenging though I like to think that whatever comes to us is because we have the inner resources to deal with the situation. Thank you for sharing in the depths of daily life experiences. I feel all that happens to us come for a purpose: it either teaches us something, or inspires us, or gives us an opportunity to be of service. It seems to me you are finding your own answers from within, even as you receive the loving support of your mother.
Mayte Picco-Kline
Author of Wholeness in Living
http://www.WholenessInLiving.com
June 8th, 2009 @ 12:03 am
[...] in March I wrote an entry about removing toxic friends from my life including a guy named S, who formally was one of my closest friends. S is a drug addict, alcoholic, [...]