One Person Can’t Love Enough for Two Pt. 1
Posted on | December 28, 2008 | 2 Comments
I hope everyone had a good holiday! Mine was very nice. I got to spend lots of time with my family, I ate LOTS, got some money, Lakers beat the Celtics … 
Ok, I have a confession to make. From December 18-December 24, minus December 21 when I wrote my last entry I was staying with Daddy. I mentioned before that we reconciled. He tried to convince me that he no longer was abusing meth, but I ended up finding out that not only did he lie to me and that he was doing meth, but also cocaine, popping pills and God knows what else.
Of course after finding out I was upset that he lied to me. He tried to sweet talk me into staying with him regardless by telling me he wanted to marry me, he wanted me to move in, he loves me and our baby so much and wanted to be a big happy family. Ugh whatever.
He was sweet and attentive at first. He’d wait on me hand and foot, massage me and rub my belly when I was feeling queasy. He gave me a gift card to Walmart to go buy whatever I wanted. He made love to me every night .. which probably is my biggest weakness with him. Afterwards we’d cuddle, talk, sing together, whatever. Things were blissful.
But eventually overnight he pretty much changed. He decided to stop doing meth after our fight and as he was coming off of it all he did was sleep and eat all day. When he was awake he acted annoyed by me. He wouldn’t touch me, he stopped telling me he loved me. He ate up all the food from me and baby and when I went to buy more he ate majority of that up as well, splitting it with his friends leaving hardly any for me to feed myself and our child with.
The last two days I was there I started getting sick, morning sickness and probably from lack of eating, sleeping, and being around so much smoke. He started yelling at me over it calling me a faker and saying that it was all in my head and that I should be fine and act stronger. That is until I nearly puked all over him in the parking lot.
All in all he turned into a royal ass. But the funny thing is when I left to come back home he kissed me and asked me to come back and live with him after Christmas. It’s so odd to me that he acts like this when I’m around, yet when I go away he acts like he can’t live without me …
I have a few more things to say on this but I will write more later. I need to clean up my apartment because I have a guest coming to visit me for New Years tomorrow. Not that I’m looking to jump into a relationship with someone new right now but I’m a curious cat like is this guy for real? He adores me, he adores my unborn child, he acts like a complete gentleman, has no real hang ups … I guess I feel like I deserve the company of someone who respects me after spending a week with someone like Daddy.
Daaaaaang I have so much to write about. I’m waaay behind. More about all this, Daddy and more next entry.
BTW, Thanks for the badge Ms. Single Mama. It’s an honor to join the club 
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2 Responses to “One Person Can’t Love Enough for Two Pt. 1”
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December 28th, 2008 @ 11:16 am
I wish I could spew the last five years of my life in a big pile for you to sift through. There are some pretty significant similarities in our situations.
I don’t know how familiar you are with meth, but it’s very obvious from what you’ve written that he has a serious problem and is NOT on the road to fixing it. There is absolutely NO WAY that he will be able to be a decent man for you or father for his child if he’s on meth.
When the ex and I got together, we were both on meth. Heavily. And had been for quite some time. I know what it’s like on both side of the coin. (It’s been almost five years since I’ve used that stuff, btw.)
I think you realize that it’s best for you and baby to stay far, far away from this guy. I promise you, this is what is best. I PROMISE.
I hope that, by cutting him out now, you can avoid some of the pain and anguish and total misery that I’ve experienced with the ex. It’s been hell.
And don’t feel bad about falling back into his arms. I get it. But I do truly hope that you will discontinue any form of relationship with him.
I fought with the idea that it was “wrong” for me to keep my babe from her daddy for the longest time. It wasn’t until very recently that I was able to accept that, by hanging on to that idea, I was putting his rotten arse above my babe’s well-being.
Good luck with everything. I hope you’re able to kick that morning sickness soon.
December 28th, 2008 @ 6:39 pm
Thanks for the comment Hef. Yeah, everything is falling back into it’s place. He promised that he had been done for a month and things would be so positive. He didn’t change my view at all .. and really all he made me do was set myself back in getting over him. It’s been hard for me because he swears he wants our child so badly and I don’t wanna keep him away, but how can I allow my little one around that?