Unwanted Pity
Posted on | April 8, 2009 | 3 Comments
I went to my cousin’s wife’s funeral yesterday at which I saw a lot of people I knew. It was weird how my mom would greet people and proudly say that she’s a grandmother now and the people would look at me with so much pity. One lady said “Bless you .. but you know babies are a blessing!” as if I thought mine was a curse? Another gave me a sympathetic “Awww” and followed it with “Well, at least you waited awhile …”
WTF People?! They had no idea .. I could be married or in a serious relationship. Or I could not see babies as a bad thing and I could be ecstatic to be a mother (which I am). I’m not sure why they assume.
I guess some people just feel like it’s all the same with black mothers. We get knocked up, the father ditches us, our lives are a fucked up struggle for the rest of our lives. I guess technically I do fit in part of that statistic. I have a child out of wedlock, his father won’t be around, BUT I refuse for our lives to be fucked up, although I may struggle at times, but that’s why I work so hard now.
One of my cousins pressures me constantly about getting on every form of government support there is. To move into the housing projects, to get on food stamps, welfare, every thing. I refuse, not because I don’t think it would help or that I’m ashamed. Not that I wouldn’t love to save all of that money yearly, but that I refuse to completely give up and piggy back. Because I want the best for my son. Staying in a nice neighborhood and getting a bigger apartment may be hundreds more expensive than living in the projects .. but to keep him away from drugs, gangs, violence .. it’s all worth it to me.
To keep working hard which puts me out of the qualifying bracket for most of the above .. it’s all worth it.
This post is an unfinished thought/rant but I can’t resist my sleep any longer 
You get the idea of where I’m going, right? Heh
Comments
3 Responses to “Unwanted Pity”
April 11th, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
Ugh, I hated the "encouragement" I got to pick up any type of government assistance I could. Anna's aunt (her dad's sister) got pregnant out of wedlock and the dad disappeared. She took advantage of any type of assistance possible, but I think she really needed most of it. My parents wanted to help me out financially, and they make a crapload of money, so I chose to leave the government assistance for those who REALLY need it. But it got really tiring to keep telling Anna's dad's side of the family "no" when they asked if I had signed up for certain types of assistance yet.
April 13th, 2009 @ 5:12 am
That's how I'm feeling. There's nothing wrong with it for those who need it, and if I were in that position that I needed it I would go for it, but I would just try to rely on the government just because I could. I'd like to try to make a great living for my son on my own. After all I the way I feel is that he IS my son and he IS my responsibility, not the rest of the state's! I accept that.
April 18th, 2009 @ 12:51 pm
Don't listen to those people telling you to get on gov't assistance. There is such a stigma attached to it…ugh *shudders*. I myself am a military wife but in military culture it is not uncommon for people to be on wic. in fact it's encouraged. even high ranking people and officers qualify for wic. so i have no problem taking that if it's considered a part of compensation. If i were you i would at least consider wic if you could use some help on groceries. not at all the same thing as food stamps! and wic runs out after the child is 5 years old..so it's not forever!