One Person Can’t Love Enough For Two Pt. 2
Posted on | January 5, 2009 | 3 Comments
Hihihi I’m back. I’m trying to decide if I want to make this one long post or break it up into many mini posts.
So I said in my last post I would catch this blog up on the second half of things that went down when I was at Daddy’s and make a Pt. 2. It feels like old news and I can’t remember all I was going to say so I guess I’ll give cliffnotes on what I remember I left out.
-I met Daddy’s son and his son’s mother. Both were very nice to me. The little boy was super sweet and very smart. Daddy claims that his other baby’s mom is jealous and still very much inlove with him so he asked me not to bring up that we were a couple just to keep her from mouthing off. Meh, whatevs. I don’t know what the truth is with their relationship, but I also don’t really care.
-Daddy and I got in a huge fight over his drug use and him lying to me about it. Especially after I told him I was sick and he tried to force me to swallow a handful of pills. We screamed at each other, slammed doors. He ended up telling me that after we establish paternity I had better get ready because he’s gonna make sure he takes the baby away, has full custody and I get no rights. I don’t see how this could be possible in his condition but he swears he knows how to make it happen because of his family’s money and “mafia connections”
This frustrates me because it makes me worry. I worry about what all he might do or is capable of doing when our baby is born. One thing I know is that Daddy is scared to death of child support and would rather just raise the baby and pay for things himself. The problem is I don’t want him too much in my child’s life as he is, but I feel me and the baby deserve and need help financially when he is able to give. It’s kinda lose lose for me either way. I also hope he’s not so fucked up in the head that he would ever think of harming me or our child to get out of it. You just never know.
Sometimes I wish I would have considered abortion more in my early weeks of pregnancy. It was unthinkable then and is unthinkable now but really I feel like it would have been best not to have brought a child into the world at this time with this person. It’s always been hard to decide what I wanna do because I have so much pressure from both sides. People insisting I want the baby and pressuring me to keep it, people insisting I don’t want the baby and pressuring me to get rid of it. It’s hard to know what I really want at times because I change. Sometimes I feel so happy to be a mommy, sometimes I feel like right now just is not the time. Overall my greatest wish is that I could keep the fetus that I have now but bring it back in about 8 years and finish growing it then. That’s impossible though. Meh.
Hmmm I’m trying to think if I have any more to say about Daddy before I end this. I guess it’s all. I have someone else I’d rather talk about. On to my second post ….
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3 Responses to “One Person Can’t Love Enough For Two Pt. 2”
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October 24th, 2009 @ 3:20 am
OMG! what is up wit guys a their stupid threats!… my ex has been telling me the same thing about getting full custody of the child when it’s born. It does worry me and scares me a bit but i feel it’s a whole bunch of BS… i won’t let it happen!
.-= Check Out Amanda’s Blog! blog "Emotions taking me over" =-.
October 24th, 2009 @ 3:25 am
The whole thing about u saying u were getting pressure whether to keep it or abort, i totally understand. Right now at 7 weeks pregnant, i feel the same way. If my decision to keep it is really the right one or if i should do something else. It’s so hard.
.-= Check Out Amanda’s Blog! blog "Emotions taking me over" =-.
October 24th, 2009 @ 6:50 am
Yeah it’s a hard decision to make. Around this time I felt like I didn’t wanna be a single mom and I wasn’t ready for a baby (especially one with my ex). I researched abortion clinics in my area .. but then I had my first ultrasound at 10 weeks I think and this little “thing” that I had in me that I thought was just a blob was kicking, waving it’s arms, moving its little mouth .. and it had a heartbeat! I was so amazed and it just warmed my heart like wow I actually have a living baby inside of me! I couldn’t get rid of it after that.
Now I have my son. He’s so beautiful, so smart and I love him to death. I can’t believe I came so close to getting rid of him because I would have missed out on something so wonderful and discarded something so perfect!
I hope you make the decision thats right for you in the end!