Posted on | January 5, 2009 | 2 Comments
Happy New Years to all! I hope everyone had a great one and was very safe!
Mine was amazing. As I mentioned before I would be having a guest over, a new male I was thinking of maybe seeing .. I’ll refer to him as Thumper. He came to live with me for 1 week and we had the most amazing time. He’s very sexy, perfect tall, muscular body, goodlooking face, sweet, smart, caring, a great personality. We have a lot of chemistry together and he treats me very well. We have been friends for a little while, hes been there for me through the Daddy stuff. I’ve always known he was the better man and deserved a shot but I was afraid to give him a chance cause I felt like I HAD to be with the father of my child and attempt to work things out just because.
Anyway, Thumps and I decided to go ahead and give things a try and we had a great time. We mostly ate and slept ALOT, watched movies, played games, visited friends .. sounds hella boring, but it was fun because we were together and had fun just being in each others company.
The only thing that kinda brought me down was when he admitted to me that he loves me a lot, but that he doesn’t know if he’s ready to be a father figure to a kid he believes deserves the best. This kinda hurt me a lot because its what I’ve been afraid of all along. It hit me that for the first time I’m not dating for me and my heart, I’m dating as a mother .. I come with baggage. This realization just kinda smacked me down and reminded me that I’m exactly where I never dreamed I would be and what a less than ideal situation I’m in. How no matter how happy a man makes me or vice versa, if he’s not feeling my kid it’s all over. And not just because he doesn’t like my child, but that my child deserves to be treated as well as I do.
The truth is that Thump’s confession left me a little confused. It’s not that I’m looking for a replacement Daddy for the baby in Thumper or any other man and wasn’t aware that maybe I was giving that impression. I think Thumps would be a good guy for my baby to be around,yes, but my plan was never to pop the baby out and shove him or her on Thumper to father, ya know? My intentions were that if something were to work out between us I would balance and love both Thumps and Baby the best I could on different levels, but that’s been my intention if I were to start dating any man who I felt I loved, who truly loved me and who could accept my baby. And by accept I mean the kid would be something they were “cool” with, not something they would “deal” with if that makes any sense.
Anyway, Thumper and I agreed to continue on with the relationship and take it one day at a time to see how things work out as he felt it would be worth it. I think that’s probablyy best but a bit scary at the same time.