More Heartache for Mommy
Posted on | January 12, 2009 | 3 Comments
So Thumper broke up with me this morning. Everything was going fantastic for us, or so I thought. However, I could sense in the past couple of days that something was wrong as he suddenly pulled away from me, so today I decided to finally ask him to talk to me about it.
Long story short he said he has began to resent contact with me because of how talking to me makes him feel. He loves me so much, yet doesn’t get to see me as much as he would like therefore he is not sure a long distance relationship is for him and would like time to think it out.
I honestly don’t remember the last time I cried so hard or much .. and no never with Daddy lol. I cried because I honestly fell inlove with Thumper and had a genuine feeling in my heart that he was someone special and we had something special. I’ve only loved one other person in my life, as typically I have up my guard and do not let people in, nor do I easily give up my love. Being away from him is hard for me too, but I was optimistic everything would work out due to our resources.
I guess I was wrong. Maybe I was a dumbass for letting someone in at a time in my life when I’m pretty vulnerable and the last thing I need is more heartache. But Thumper was a friend, I trusted him, and a feeling grew that was natural, inevitable and could not be helped.
I know technically we’re not exactly done and should be on a break. But, I feel like most likely we are. Mainly because I’m not sure if things can work out. Long distance relationships are hard and take a lot to work, so if he’s having doubt this early in, he’ll never make it with me. And perhaps I’d be better off to be single for awhile and just focus on my child.
It will be extremely hard to completely get rid of him. It’s already nearly devastating to imagine my life without Thumper as hes been a complete miracle to me and helped me through so much. He volunteered to still be there for me, but honestly I feel like I cannot allow that as it would be in my best interests to try to move on and not put myself in a position where I might cling.
Ugggh .. I swear sometimes I just wanna curl in a ball and vanish. My heart is sooo fuckin tired of … everything. My life is so out of control, and absolutely nothing is going my way. I just can’t get a break to be content and happy.
Tags: heartbroken > love > relationships
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3 Responses to “More Heartache for Mommy”
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January 13th, 2009 @ 1:13 pm
SOrry to hear that.
Hope things get better for you really really soon.
January 13th, 2009 @ 5:19 pm
Thank you so much Tam
September 17th, 2009 @ 6:25 am
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