Comments on: Lonely, Depressed, Distressed … http://newsinglemama.com/33/lonely-depressed-distressed/ I am a single mother of a biracial baby boy just trying to make it on my own. This journey is hard, yet rewarding. Blogging is my therapy, these words are my heart, and people doing better and being inspired by what I have written is my passion and hope. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:17:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Nappy Kitchen http://newsinglemama.com/33/lonely-depressed-distressed/comment-page-1/#comment-236 Nappy Kitchen Sun, 22 Mar 2009 18:39:11 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=33#comment-236 I'm a black mother raising my two Biracial children solo, too. I'm saddening to hear about your mom's racial attitudes. My children have very fair complexions, so I'm sure she'd have a cow if JackJack comes out looking like them. lol! 1. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to be WITHOUT a love interest right now. You must allow yourself to FULLY metamorphosize ALONE. 2. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to TRULY ACCEPT your pregnancy, ENJOY your pregnancy, and STOP APOLOGIZING for your pregnancy. 3. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to connect and stay connected with a high power because that's what is going to get you through. 4. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to hold your back straight and your head up high and ACCEPT YOURSELF. When a parent abandons a child, I seem like one of the most cruelest things in the world. But think about it, would you really want you son to grow up with Daddy as his role model? I think the larger issue is that you need to come to terms with the fact that Daddy abandoned YOU. Realized that people don't NEED a good reason to leave you. You could have been (and probably were) the best woman in the world to him. Please understand this, some people can NEVER be satisfied with ANYONE or ANYTHING ... and that's not YOUR fault. I'm a black mother raising my two Biracial children solo, too. I'm saddening to hear about your mom's racial attitudes. My children have very fair complexions, so I'm sure she'd have a cow if JackJack comes out looking like them. lol!

1. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to be WITHOUT a love interest right now. You must allow yourself to FULLY metamorphosize ALONE.

2. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to TRULY ACCEPT your pregnancy, ENJOY your pregnancy, and STOP APOLOGIZING for your pregnancy.

3. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to connect and stay connected with a high power because that's what is going to get you through.

4. I can not stress to you how important it is for you to hold your back straight and your head up high and ACCEPT YOURSELF.

When a parent abandons a child, I seem like one of the most cruelest things in the world. But think about it, would you really want you son to grow up with Daddy as his role model?

I think the larger issue is that you need to come to terms with the fact that Daddy abandoned YOU. Realized that people don't NEED a good reason to leave you.

You could have been (and probably were) the best woman in the world to him. Please understand this, some people can NEVER be satisfied with ANYONE or ANYTHING … and that's not YOUR fault.

]]> By: Bridgette http://newsinglemama.com/33/lonely-depressed-distressed/comment-page-1/#comment-35 Bridgette Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:59:00 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=33#comment-35 You guys are amazing, Thanks Tam and Nicole it feels really good to me to know there are some people out there who understand, have been there, are supportive.<br/><br/>I know my life and my child's life are better without my babys father .. but when I'm struggling like I have been I just wanna scream at him to help out .. if he can get $1,000 to bail his druggy friend out of jail, can't he come up with that much for his own child so I don't have to go through all this stress? Ugh!<br/><br/>Also, my mom knows this stuff bothers me because I've brought it up to her numerous times, but she just doesn't care. She thinks she knows better than I do in everything. It's all just another reason why I can't be too close to her. You guys are amazing, Thanks Tam and Nicole it feels really good to me to know there are some people out there who understand, have been there, are supportive.

I know my life and my child’s life are better without my babys father .. but when I’m struggling like I have been I just wanna scream at him to help out .. if he can get $1,000 to bail his druggy friend out of jail, can’t he come up with that much for his own child so I don’t have to go through all this stress? Ugh!

Also, my mom knows this stuff bothers me because I’ve brought it up to her numerous times, but she just doesn’t care. She thinks she knows better than I do in everything. It’s all just another reason why I can’t be too close to her.

]]> By: Nicole http://newsinglemama.com/33/lonely-depressed-distressed/comment-page-1/#comment-34 Nicole Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:42:00 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=33#comment-34 I have to agree with Tam. I'd be more worried if you weren't concerned about all of this.<br/>You're going to do a great job!<br/>I know because I've been there, not too long ago.<br/>I finally came out of denial about my pregnancy and started coming to terms with it almost exactly two years today. Two years from this coming Monday was my first ultrasound.<br/>I wasn't in a relationship, it was more of a continuous one night stand sort of thing.<br/>He assumed that I did that with everyone (I didn't, just him) and completely denied our son for the first year. He didn't even tell his parents about him.<br/><br/>You can do this. You don't need him or anyone else.<br/><br/>I met someone and I care about him a lot, but it was almost a year and a half after my son was born before I was ready to date again. I just never felt right before that. I got lucky and found a man that not only cares about me, but he truly cares about my son as well -- but I don't NEED him.<br/>My son always comes first.<br/><br/>My son's father is portuguese, very very portuguese (I'm very very NOT portuguese lol) and my mom thinks it's funny to tease my son about it and there are names involve and things like that...<br/>I'm not going to lie, I can't even imagine your situation but even though I know she loves him very much, it still hurts a little bit.<br/>I just have to accept that she grew up in a different time than I did and she was taught differently and I have to keep telling her how uncomfortable and upset it makes me feel. Because if I don't then it'll all build up one day and I'll say something then and she'll claim she never knew, right?<br/><br/>If it bothers you, speak up to your mother. Just keep your feelings in check and show her how adult you're being.<br/>It's not her decision if she gets to keep your child or if you do.<br/><br/>You're already making great decisions for your child and yourself.<br/>:)<br/>You can do it!<br/>There are going to be A LOT of frustrations along the way, but I promise that every single one of them are worth it.<br/><br/>Every single one. I have to agree with Tam. I’d be more worried if you weren’t concerned about all of this.
You’re going to do a great job!
I know because I’ve been there, not too long ago.
I finally came out of denial about my pregnancy and started coming to terms with it almost exactly two years today. Two years from this coming Monday was my first ultrasound.
I wasn’t in a relationship, it was more of a continuous one night stand sort of thing.
He assumed that I did that with everyone (I didn’t, just him) and completely denied our son for the first year. He didn’t even tell his parents about him.

You can do this. You don’t need him or anyone else.

I met someone and I care about him a lot, but it was almost a year and a half after my son was born before I was ready to date again. I just never felt right before that. I got lucky and found a man that not only cares about me, but he truly cares about my son as well — but I don’t NEED him.
My son always comes first.

My son’s father is portuguese, very very portuguese (I’m very very NOT portuguese lol) and my mom thinks it’s funny to tease my son about it and there are names involve and things like that…
I’m not going to lie, I can’t even imagine your situation but even though I know she loves him very much, it still hurts a little bit.
I just have to accept that she grew up in a different time than I did and she was taught differently and I have to keep telling her how uncomfortable and upset it makes me feel. Because if I don’t then it’ll all build up one day and I’ll say something then and she’ll claim she never knew, right?

If it bothers you, speak up to your mother. Just keep your feelings in check and show her how adult you’re being.
It’s not her decision if she gets to keep your child or if you do.

You’re already making great decisions for your child and yourself.
:)
You can do it!
There are going to be A LOT of frustrations along the way, but I promise that every single one of them are worth it.

Every single one.

]]> By: Tam King http://newsinglemama.com/33/lonely-depressed-distressed/comment-page-1/#comment-32 Tam King Wed, 21 Jan 2009 09:55:00 +0000 http://newsinglemama.com/?p=33#comment-32 Wanna know a secret? Although your going through hell with your baby's dad and the end of your relationship, you can attribute at least some of your see-saw emotions to your pregnancy. Your baby is luck to have a mum who loves them enough to worry about this sort of stuff. And although you feel like its all falling down on you, you are strong enough to deal with this and anything else that life throws your way. If you ever need to talk, you still have my email address. :) Hope you feel better about your life soon, and that things pick up soon for you Wanna know a secret? Although your going through hell with your baby’s dad and the end of your relationship, you can attribute at least some of your see-saw emotions to your pregnancy. Your baby is luck to have a mum who loves them enough to worry about this sort of stuff. And although you feel like its all falling down on you, you are strong enough to deal with this and anything else that life throws your way. If you ever need to talk, you still have my email address. :) Hope you feel better about your life soon, and that things pick up soon for you

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