Dear Daddy
Posted on | July 20, 2009 | 5 Comments
Why do I have to go through this shit all over again? I spent my whole pregnancy dealing with this and finally came to a point where I was OK with my situation as a single mother. I was OK with him not being around, I became OK with the fact that he’s a drug addict and would probably never meet his son.
Still here I am 2 weeks Post Partum and all I can think of his him. I look at our baby and all I see is his face. I’ve gathered up his number, his myspace, his screen name and I’m just itching to contact him. I don’t want to be with him, I’m not even expecting him to be a real Daddy but my Lord I just want him to accept our son. I want him to remove some of this pain from my heart. I want him to see his little mini me and know that I told the truth. I want to call him and ask if we can arrange a meeting between the three of us but OH MY GOD I’m so scared. I’m scared of failure, rejection, scared this hurt will never go away. Scared my son will never know his dad. I fear so much of the unknown.
MY GOD, I’m going to call you. Can you just work with me? Can you just grow up? Can we put the past behind us and just focus on our precious son? PLEASE I’m begging you.
Comments
5 Responses to “Dear Daddy”
Leave a Reply
July 21st, 2009 @ 11:24 pm
Sweetheart…. I’ve been there. And I know it’s hard as hell. It’s hard to look at that precious angel of yours and not wonder why his dad wont be more active in his life. But, I will share with you what’s gotten me through all the really hard times – just remember that your son will always know that you were there, ALWAYS. From the very beginning, and that you will always be there. He’ll remember that and one day, when his father wants to be around, your son won’t want anything to do with him. And it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.
Call, but only call once. If he doesn’t answer, leave a voicemail. Make sure that he can’t tell how you are feeling by your voice and make it simple. Tell him you want him to meet the baby, but by no means are you going to force the child on him. If he follows through, great, if not – you expected it. Don’t let HIS actions hurt you. He’s not hurting any one but himself in the long run. Your son will never need or want for anything, least of all love or affection!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 7:02 pm
Asha- you are right. These emotions ARE hard. I didn’t think it would be so bad to see my son’s face and see his Daddy in him every day multiple times a day. I didn’t think I would ever want his daddy to be in our lives, but damn I do.
Maybe it’s all just a part of PPD realizing that being a mother is hard, especially a single mother and wishing that the “man” who was there to help me make my child was also there helping me take care of him.
I’m trying very much to let these feelings go and I haven’t called him yet.
July 27th, 2009 @ 7:01 am
Dear Bridgette. I am 20 years old and 19 weeks pregnant. as soon ad I found out I googled blogs where I could find people close to my sistuation, but I never imagined that i would find someone who seems to be in the exact situation as myself. All I get from the drugaddict is that its not his…there’s no talking to him at all. And I am afraid my obsession of him is taking over the obsession of my child. I know I have a long way to go but I fear that I will have to deal with what youre dealing when after giving birth i will see a blonde child with blue eyes and not at all a reflection of my dark skin, dark eyes and pitch black hair. I don’t know what I am trying to say, expcept that people seem to udnerestimate the situation you are in, its not easy to say: I am gonna be asingle mom now, forget about you! you’re just a spermdonor. and I hope that he either shapes up…and gives jack the acknowlodgement he deserves, or stays far far away from your mind and broken heart. Take care
July 29th, 2009 @ 8:32 pm
Isra- it’s definitely hard and “forget about him” is easier said than done, but it does get easier.
My son is only 3 weeks old still lookin more and more like his daddy and half brother everyday but it’s starting to hurt less. I do still want them to meet, but not as desperately as when I first made this post .. and I think PPD has a lot to do with it.
Give it some time no matter how long it may take!
August 19th, 2009 @ 7:36 pm
[...] I made THIS POST I thought more than anything in the world that’s what I wanted. For my son to know who his [...]