So It Continues ..
Posted on | January 24, 2009 | 6 Comments
I had a fight with my mom and my aunt today. They came over just to visit, but it turned into a bitchfest of how I’m not doing anything right and how I’m the worst parent ever so far. My apartment isn’t perfectly clean and thats unacceptable. I have the wrong kind of dishes, I have too many dishes, why is my dish so big? why don’t I get smaller ones? Or maybe disposable ones? Why do I have so many clothes? Why doesn’t my hair look better? Why don’t I look better? Why don’t I get out and exercise more often? I’m too young to be tired, I’m too young to feel sick. Why do I drink pop? I’m just hurting the baby! Why is there so much alcohol in my house? I’m such a sinner! MY POOR BABY DOESN’T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL WITH ME AS IT’S MOTHER.
Yes these are exact quotes between the two of them, but then they acted shocked that I eventually got upset. Yes, I know when you’re pregnant people are just trying to help because they want a healthy, happy baby out of you .. but I wish people would realize that no one likes being bitched at about everything and told they’re a horrible person.
I know I look like crap, I know my apartment looks like crap but I do my best! I’m just getting over morning sickness, but it’s been replaced by chest pains and bad cramping as my belly stretches out and my insides move around. Also I’m starting to get lower back pain. I know I’m not doing all I should do, but I’m doing my best! I want to look better, I want to exercise .. but it’s hard for me. And it’s all perfectly natural.
Anyway, I think I ended up offending my aunt because she asked why would I be angry and I straight up told her I don’t appreciate people who don’t understand how I may feel telling me that I should feel differently and overall being so negative. Well, my aunt can’t have children so I think she took that as a diss, but I didn’t mean it like that because I was directing it in general way. Now I think she’s upset with me.
So much dramaz! Uggh I’m trying to get over that shit.
To add to this dramatic entry I wanna say I’m concerned that some eyes who I prefer not to read this blog have probably made their way over. One particular person’s name starts with a “D” and ends with an “A-D-D-Y”
Don’t ever add your blog to mybloglog.com because, yeah .. it’ll feed your blog entries to your Yahoo buddy list for all your friends to read and there’s almost no way for you to know until someone brings it to your attention.
Thanks MyBlogLog and Yahoo! That was a lovely idea!
Now I’m not sure if I should just delete this blog or what. I like the idea of being anonymous, and not having people who really know me know all about me, all about my situation and all the thoughts that run in my mind. I don’t want to be censored, but now I feel like I have to be.
Meh.
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6 Responses to “So It Continues ..”
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January 24th, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
I have to tell you there is actually no excuse for how your family are talking to you. If they really want your baby to be healthy they should be uplifting you, asking if you need anything, offering to help in any way they can, basically just encouraging you. Nobody can ever excuse such blattant rudeness by saying they are doing if for the baby. Nothing about upsetting the mother of an unborn baby can be good!! How infuriating for you!!
I would be sad to see you close this blog, is there a way in your security settings you can change it to invited viewers only? And can you delete it from “myblog”?
January 24th, 2009 @ 7:13 pm
Ive been reading your blog lately, not sure how I came across it, but I got sucked in and couldnt stop reading! I would be sad to see you delete it too! And who cares what you and your apartment look like!If you think its bad now, wait till you have the baby and you’ll be lucky to get a shower every day!! It wont matter what anyone says once he/she is here. All that will matter is your beautiful baby!! The important thing is that you love your child and want the best for it! And it’s “daddys” loss if he isnt around for it. Just my opinion, but he/she would be better without a father than to have a meth addicted one!! That stuff is the devil, I know from experience, and he wont care about ANYTHING until he kicks the shit!! So for the sake and safety of your child Id stay FAR away from him!! I know it’s easier said than done and like I said, just an opinion. Im not in your position, but I am a mother and know that I would do ANYTHING to protect my child!!! Im sure you feel the same!! Dont stop writing b/c of him! I know that you are probably helping lots of young single mothers out there with your strength!!
January 25th, 2009 @ 12:50 am
Tam, I totally agree with you and I hate when anyone thinks they know better for me and I’m just hallucinating over how I feel. Being pregnant is hard work .. and sometimes its easier or harder for some moreso than others. No one seems to realize unfortunately
. Argh!
The problem is I’ve already removed it from mybloglog, but it was up for about a week or two feeding my posts to my whole messenger list which Daddy has me added on .. so chances are he’s already seen it and maybe even saved it
I don’t want him to know anything about me or our baby which is what frustrates me.
January 25th, 2009 @ 1:45 am
Hi Steph! Thanks for your support! Yeah, I’m pretty much for the most part over Daddy and I don’t really want him to be involved, though I wish he would grow up and take responsibility. He helped me make this child and sometimes it feels so unfair he’s making me do the all the work when he has nothing better to do than sit home, feel sorry for himself and get high.
But luckily I no longer feel like I NEED him to bet here.
Though I am upset with my blog being exposed I did start it to help other people and meet people who have been where I’m at .. and I still have a long road ahead of me so I plan to continue
January 27th, 2009 @ 9:12 pm
You could always start a second one under a second name and be exclusive with who you tell. Just don’t identify yourself by real name or pic and you can publish it as freely as you like.
As far as family goes, you handled it better than I would have. Next time they start harping hand ‘em a mop. If they’re so concerned then surely cleaning would help calm them.
The whole messiness thing doesn’t end though. It’ll take awhile and honestly, that’s really not that bad. Just judge yourself by your own standards- don’t let them bother you. They will never know what it is to live your life.
January 28th, 2009 @ 1:54 am
Hahaha, the funny thing is that they took it upon themselves to clean for me which is great but they were so bitchy to me while doing it. It’s just not something I need to hear .. bitch bitch bitch about every little thing. Bleh.