The Appeal of Dating Single Mothers
Posted on | August 10, 2009 | 7 Comments
When I first learned I was to become a single mother I was very worried about how others might view me, especially potential partners when it came time for me to date.
Dating a single parent always seemed less than ideal. I would hear words like “baggage”, “damaged goods” thrown around along with the unappealing idea of taking care of someone else’s child.
A beautiful and wonderful woman who happened to also be a single mommy took me under her wing while I cried and bitched and she told me as far as men go “Don’t even worry about that. When you have that baby, and even when you become visibly pregnant, you won’t be able to walk out of the door without men throwing themselves at you. Trust me you’re going to do fine”.
And she went on to tell me her theories why a high caliber of men were attracted to single mothers and how she had no problems getting into dating when she was ready.
I listened and believed her, but I didn’t think the same would happen for me .. until this past week when for former male acquaintances saw me with my son and asked me out.
So strange it all happened the same.
Them: “Oh wow so you have a baby now?”
Me: “Yeah this is my son”
Them: “Wow that’s truly amazing. I had no idea! How do you like being a mom? Are things much different for you?”
Me: “I love being a mom! My son is the greatest thing that ever happened … and things are very different. There’s always change when you become responsible for another human being. Majority of it’s good change. I’m still the same, but more grown up .. I have to be you know?”
Them: “Yeah totally that’s awesome. So you’re not all that wild anymore, huh?”
Me: “Noo .. I’m kinda boring now actually”
Them: *laughs* “No never! Are you with his father? Do you guys have a good relationship?”
Me: “No we are no longer together. Our relationship is fine yes” (I never speak negatively about my BD to people and I never let them know what our relationship is like in detail. I’d prefer to avoid him in conversation all together.)
Them: “That’s really good. So wow it’s great to see you again .. Look I know things may be a little busy for you now, but I’m wondering if there’s a chance I could take you out sometime? Maybe dinner or something?”
Four days in a row .. lol. Wow,what’s the deal? I find it very flattering especially during a time in my life where I’m finally beginning to value my self-worth again and I am working on my self esteem to know I “got it” and know that I can move on from certain men and there will always be more out there to choose from, me with a kid and all.
But all the same I’m not ready to date. I’m not completely happy with myself nor am I all that confident. While I’m getting my life together everything is still a mess right now while I’m learning how to be the sole parent of a beautiful baby boy. He’s the only man I have time for in my life now. Plus I’m not in a hurry to ax my title as “Single” right now.
What I am in a hurry to ax are my lonely feelings. The number of friends I have are so low now. Even those who I thought could be true I’ve learned aren’t that interested in hanging out with me if it’s not in a bar or club and that’s just totally not my scene anymore. IS there anyone out there who enjoys laid back things anymore? OR any women who enjoy having relaxed girl’s nights without constantly tagging their uninvited boyfriends alone so they have someone to make out with all night?
Let’s hope I find out!
Tags: dating single mom > loneliness > toxic friends
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7 Responses to “The Appeal of Dating Single Mothers”
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August 10th, 2009 @ 3:21 pm
I like that you dont talk badly of your son’s father. That shows a high level of maturity. The rest – will come easily.
August 11th, 2009 @ 4:04 pm
First thanks for stopping by my blog, and you ask a tough question. I know what you mean about friend, without kids, want to hangout at the bar and doing stuff that just don’t interest you as a parent.
Do you have any hobbies? Are there any mommy groups in your area? I would suggest you go that route. Say you like writing, I would go online or check the local papers for what group for writers and try and get out that way. It’s same for mommy groups. Usually there is a mommy group somewhere and they usually have family outings.
November 21st, 2010 @ 5:00 pm
This really helps, I’m pregnant right now and i am not with the babys father anymore and i felt sorta trapped. like u said we get categorized as having baggage and they run free. So its been hard realizing that i’m at this by myself and thinking its the end of my relationship train. So thank you for ur blog, its truly inspirational.
November 21st, 2010 @ 5:01 pm
sorry i spelled my email wrong the first time
September 21st, 2011 @ 11:32 am
Hi Bridgette,
Would you mind sharing what your friend’s theories were on “why a high caliber of men were attracted to single mothers”? Was just wondering what her thoughts were.
Thanks!
September 25th, 2011 @ 12:03 pm
Hi C! I honestly don’t remember anymore what my friends theory was. At this point, she and I had that conversation over 2 years ago.
I think she felt that having a child weeds out those are not boyfriend or husband material. Those still trying to figure life out, don’t want responsibility, just want to have fun.
Men who don’t mind children and have them or want them or probably ready to settle down, are more mature and are financially stable.
May 16th, 2012 @ 5:21 pm
Laid back activities aren’t that bad. How old is your son?
Naomi Burnside