Raw and Honest Blog of a New Single Mom

I am a single mother of a biracial baby boy just trying to make it on my own. This journey is hard, yet rewarding. Blogging is my therapy, these words are my heart, and people doing better and being inspired by what I have written is my passion and hope.

Cravings and Urges

Posted on | January 28, 2009 | No Comments

For some reason right now I feel compelled to call Daddy. Why? I have no idea. My fingers have been twitching to do this for awhile now. I don’t really have anything to say to him, nothing to ask him, nothing to share. I just wanna do it. I’ve been fighting off the urge though because I don’t really see a point. Besides, I know if he gave a damn about me or his kid and wanted to hear from us he would have called or something. But he hasn’t. He doesn’t.

….

I really want to get over my cravings for sweets .. Skittles, cupcakes, ice cream, juice .. I’m feeling sick of it as I’ve never been a sweets fan and it always leaves the worst after taste in my mouth. Blech. I can’t stop eating them though. Actually I can’t stop eating much of anything! Oddly and thankfully I’ve not gained 1 lb yet. WOOHOO!

Other than that I suppose everything is well. My body is aching as my belly is stretching. I feel kinda like a blob physically. Mentally I’m ok. Just a bit lonely and stir crazy. I’m stuck alone inside of my apartment because there’s so much snow and ice out. I just wanna see another human being, talk face to face with someone, have someone to giggle with or watch a movie with. Ya know .. whatever!

……
Also, I miss Thumper. For the most part the heartache over the end of our “romantic” relationship is over .. although in a way the “romance” is still there. We still talk the same and act the same, like a loving couple. He still wants to be there and hold my hand in the delivery room. I want him to.

I’ve been craving him so much lately its crazy and almost feels like an obsession. I crave his body, his eyes, his smile, his voice .. more than anything his arms around me at night. I miss feeling his little kisses along my back, neck, shoulders and face following by a tight squeeze whenever he would randomly wake up at night. All those little things. I miss the fun we have together. He says he misses me and all that too.

Gah wtttffffffuuu …

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