The Escape
Posted on | August 24, 2009 | 6 Comments
“Sometimes I feel I’ve got to run away
I’ve got to get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me”
The lyrics to that whole song ring so true to me at this moment. This town, this state is SUFFOCATING. I feel like I’m cooped in with no where to go. I feel like I just can’t escape my thoughts of him. I feel like he is haunting me every where I turn! I.CAN.NOT.BREATHE!
I was reading Matt Logelin’s Blog and was thinking how cool it is that Matt just seems to travel the world on a regular basis. Every time I give his blog a visit he seems to be headed to a new destination. I’m envious! That’s my dream. I have so many spots marked on my map. My preferred order is California> NYC> Hawaii> Backpack Europe> Australia.
There’s always been an excuse why I cannot travel. Formerly it was work obligations, then it became financial, then it became the baby. Yes, I’ve been cooped up in good ol Oklahoma for 7 years now. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.
I whipped out my American Express, pulled up Expedia.com and began booking a trip to Sacramento, California. One of my best friends, Steve, lives there. I’ve been telling him for nearly 10 years now that I’m going to visit him and it’s all been talk but now I’m ready for some action.
I gave Steve a call before confirming anything and asked him how he would like some company on Halloween. I crossed my fingers and as anticipated I got a big ol “HELL YEAH!” on the other end 
My god, I’m so excited. I need this. I deserve this.
He may have changed my life, but I will not let him ruin it. I will not be consumed by him. I cannot control him, but I can control my life. My happiness. My success. My dreams are still alive and I will make them happen. I will continue on. I will overcome. I will prosper.
His dad may not be around to love him, but I look at my son and he’s OK. He’s happy. He’s not aware of all the bullshit. He knows me. He knows that I’m his mommy and that I love him very much and take good care of him. What’s a Daddy?
If he’s just fine then all is not lost. We will be fine.
This is the beginning of my new life. Hello, world. Here I come 
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6 Responses to “The Escape”
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August 25th, 2009 @ 11:10 am
Good for you!!! You and your baby boy WILL be just fine. You really will. Your son is a gift and your life HAS been changed, but for the better. Infinitely for the better. Even if it hurts a little, it’s ok. Those are just growing pains.
Be sure to let us know how the trip goes!
August 25th, 2009 @ 11:57 am
Yeah!!! Getting away is good for the soul, and even though its not till Halloween, it gives you plenty of time to be happy and excited in ANTICIPATION of your trip! And hey! You’ll soon be able to check off California from your list! You’re doing it!
August 25th, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
I found your blog from matt logelin’s. This post was SO uplifting. “My dreams are still alive and I will make them happen” is a great line that all of us moms should have tattooed on our bodies somewhere. I hope you have a fantastic trip!
August 25th, 2009 @ 11:12 pm
SMNYC – Thank you for the encouragement. You are correct about the growing pains. I’m not dead, I’m only getting stronger and stronger!
August 25th, 2009 @ 11:14 pm
CMC – Yes getting away will be amazing. It sounds so small and simple, but it really is something that would make me feel like I’m doing something with my life, that I’m achieving things. Especially since it’s been my dream to get away and see what else this world has to offer for many years now!
August 25th, 2009 @ 11:18 pm
Madeline – Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving you comment. I’m happy to hear from you and also very happy that you found my post inspiring.
I do have many dreams and things going for me that DON’T revolve around my son’s father. When I am feeling down and wondering how I am ever going to go on I feel I need to try my best to remember he is not the end of me. In fact he should be a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things.
Do you have any particular dreams you want to go for but have not yet?