How to Heal with Dignity (Break Up Rules)
Posted on | September 26, 2009 | 5 Comments
(I wish this was available to me when I was going through shit with Thumper and Daddy too. I hope this will help someone else because it will help me in the future!)
The best way to heal with dignity (for both people after a breakup) is with NO CONTACT.
Raise your hand and repeat after me…
I, (state your name), do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy Ex. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior. I promise to act in a dignified fashion and that means I will not do stupid things, no matter how I might rationalize them. Therefore, I vow the following:
* I will not call him. No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I’ll have a friend do that, preferably via email.
* I will not email him. Not even an innocent and rather funny group email forward. I will not email him simply to give him back his stuff. I will not contact him at all.
* I will not frequent the places I know he goes to, even if I went there first and like it better. I acknowledge that this is not a pissing contest about territory. I know going to such places will hurt more than it will help. Until there has been some space and time between us, going to those places is asinine, can be viewed as stalker-ish and will be painful only to me.
* I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy, even with my best interest at heart. That includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he’ll never do better than me, or to share that I am looking fabulous, got a promotion, bought a new house, etc.
* I will screen all of my calls. I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put “private call block” on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it’s not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.
* I will not take his phone calls. I repeat, I will not take his calls.
* I will not return his phone calls or emails. If he is “just checking” to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he’s a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together, and I know this because he did not start out the communication with, “I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together.”
* I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. The only professional guidance I will seek will be that of a licensed therapist or member of the clergy.
* I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple’s therapy.
* I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way.
* I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty (30) days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This is about me feeling better and that has nothing to do with him.
This I do affirm. So help me.
Signed:
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No contact is like putting a cast on your broken leg (read: broken heart, broken relationship). The cast is awkward and uncomfortable, and at times you want to rip the damn thing off, but ultimately it’s the best, safest, and most stablizing way to let yourself heal. The cast (no contact) stays on until you are healed and truly ready to move on to something new.
Otherwise, continuing contact is like walking around on that broken leg. It hurts like hell, and it’ll never heal properly.
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5 Responses to “How to Heal with Dignity (Break Up Rules)”
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September 26th, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
[...] View original here: How to Heal with Dignity (Break Up Rules) [...]
September 28th, 2009 @ 1:55 pm
love it!
September 28th, 2009 @ 3:06 pm
October 2nd, 2009 @ 10:25 am
Lol. I wish my mom would read this.
Check Out Satsuki’s Blog! blog "Fun Times, Part 1"
November 12th, 2009 @ 8:54 am
Great article…this is all true, these are all steps that should be followed after a breakup, I agree that I am guilty of breaking all of these, but it’s baby steps….Thanks for writing this!!!