Posted on | October 8, 2009 | 6 Comments
I never posted this here but about a week ago I got a letter from the state saying that my son’s Newborn Screening Test came back that he most likely is carrying Sickle Cell Trait and they asked that me and his father come in and be tested asap as the are certain one of us has either sickle cell or the trait or we both do.
I had been conflicted with whether or not to tell Daddy because I REALLY did NOT want to talk to him at all, but it was one of those things that I kinda felt I HAD to do since it involved his health and the health of my son. I kinda felt like he had the right to know.
I decided to get it over with today and here is how the convo went:
“Me: i got a letter in the mail saying our son kobe has a health concern and both of his parents need their blood tested as well for precaution. contact your local health department soon and ask them about it.
Him: umm ok”
That’s all that was said from either of us. I kinda expected this which is why I was so vague in my message.. I figured if he really cared either way he’d ask for more information. Ok, I expected it so why am I so upset? I feel angry and like I want to cry. I guess it’s the confirmation that damn he really DOESN’T give a fuck about our son, MY baby, and more than that he doesn’t give a fuck if he dies .. for all he knows he could be dying.
I just DON”T get it! How could he reject such a beautiful, smart and healthy boy like this? A boy who has never done anything wrong in this world. A boy who would love him unconditionally. HOW? WHY?
I hate being reminded how much of an asshole he is because I feel it reflects on me and my bad judgment. I feel I’m to blame that my son doesn’t have a father and the one he does have is not one he deserves. I hate myself for doing this to him because I always promised myself my kids would not be in this situation and I failed.
I don’t know what to do. All I can do is hug my baby tight and try to fight back the tears.
I will NEVER contact him again. Not even for medical issues which was the only reason I contacted him initially but no more! I’m so done. FUCK him. I hope he gets treated just as evil as he treats other people, HIS SON. I hope his life is so fucking miserable and he pays for this big time. I really do.