Time to Let Go of the Past
Posted on | August 18, 2011 | 12 Comments
How long are you supposed to go on punishing someone for the past? If a person makes a big mistake what do they have to do to merit forgiveness?
My mom let it be known that she’s very unhappy with the fact that I’m involved with my son’s dad as well as his family. He’s so grumpy and bitter especially now that he and I are closer romantically, as friends and as co-parents. She said he does not deserve it. He was not there in the beginning.
Prison is really the best thing that could have happened to us. He’s clean now which has made a huge difference in who he is as a person. He’s not the same druggy asshole who lived day to day on a diet of meth, pills and marijuana. Clean Daddy is actually a pretty cool, laid-back, funny, smart and interesting guy. Furthermore, prison has allowed us to sit down and really talk and get to know one another no distractions. We realized over time that we have more in common and get along better than we did before. We are very dear friends. He tries to be as good a dad as possible to our son. Our son loves him and talks about “Daddy” constantly. This past year and change has been calm for us. But because he wasn’t there that first year am I to never forgive him and forever hold a grudge? If he’s still around when Jack is, say, 5 he will have been around 4 years to his absence of 1 year. Do I blow off those 4 and continue holding the 1 over his head?
I just don’t get it. That’s now how I live my life. Our past is ugly, yes. But I’m truly over that part of my life by now. 2 years have passed. My mom is such a miserable person and I wish she wouldn’t live her life like that either. Forever a cynic, pessimistic. I also think it’s a case of jealousy and possessiveness. She feels because she’s been around Jack is HER’S. Fact of the matter he is half mine, half Daddy’s. He’s as much Daddy’s parent’s as he is her’s and so on.
This is really just a rant. I’m getting sick of her eyes rolls and snide remarks each time either Jack or I talk about his dad.
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12 Responses to “Time to Let Go of the Past”
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August 18th, 2011 @ 10:15 pm
You won’t really know what he is really like until he is out of prison and managing his own life. Hopefully he’ll get a job, place to live, stay clean & sober and stay active in your son’s life. I can see your mom’s point, he contributed sperm but so far that’s about it. You are the one who keeps your son in the “daddy’s” life. If you didn’t take your son to the prison to visit, his daddy would not be able to visit him. I hope it all works out, but live your life and don’t waste your life waiting for him. Good luck!
August 18th, 2011 @ 10:56 pm
Yeah it’s true that I’m very much the glue that keeps everything together and they’d have no relationship without me in the middle. I can see why my mom is skeptical of it all in that aspect. But I do think it goes beyond that. She’s so angry and bitter and it’s not the current she brings up, it’s always the past. It’s like she wants me to never let it go. I’m not sure when she think it would be a good time to let go and let my son’s family in.
August 21st, 2011 @ 1:24 am
I think that if The Dad was not in prison, he would be ‘AWOL’ as far as you and his son are concerned. He is an adult and this is NOT your fault!
Stop making excuse for him. Let go of the ‘happy family’ fantasy.
You are obviously beautiful and intelligent.
Perhaps your mom wants you to start acting like the ‘good catch’ you are.
No amount of accommodating this guy is going to work for you or anyone else. He is BROKEN. You are NOT responsible for fixing his brokenness.
August 21st, 2011 @ 9:53 am
Shim, you read a bit far into what I wrote and saw a few things that were not there.
What excuses have I made for him, when did I say him being incarcerated was my fault, and how did I hold on to a “happy family fantasy”?
Well, we are happy, we are a family, we are not perfect. But then again who is these days? I never claimed that.
I don’t hate him. I’m over the past. We are great friends now and have been for over a year. Sure we have feelings for each other, but that happens. I never claimed an epic romance or idealized the situation.
Him being incarcerated does not erase him from me or my son’s life nor does it erase his family. They’re here NOW, the past is moot at this point. I do not hold it against him/them. That’s what I’m driving at here.
August 22nd, 2011 @ 9:13 pm
“Shim, you read a bit far into what I wrote and saw a few things that were not there.
What excuses have I made for him, when did I say him being incarcerated was my fault, and how did I hold on to a “happy family fantasy”?
Well, we are happy, we are a family, we are not perfect. But then again who is these days? I never claimed that … This is really just a rant.”
@Bridgette: I based my opinion on the prior posts on this blog as well as this one. Perhaps I have not read your latest posts…
At any rate, I am very glad that you and your family have come so far. I wish you all the best of luck.
– shim
August 25th, 2011 @ 10:00 am
You are correct there. I was the way you described in my past entries. Things have flipped for the better as of a year ago.
At any rate, no harm done. I appreciate your compliments and concerns
August 25th, 2011 @ 6:55 pm
I’m glad things are better with your family. But I can understand your mom’s concern. You have been through alot and I’m sure she does not want to see you get hurt again. It’s our job as mothers to protect our children, and it seems that is what she is trying to do- even if the way she does it comes off to be negative. I’m glad your happy- but I agree with previous posts. Please wait until he gets out to see if he’s singing the same tune. I would hate for you to get caught up again in something thts not fa real.
August 28th, 2011 @ 2:59 pm
[...] on, I do have an update about the entry I wrote last week, about how my mom was jealous of Daddy and his family, their roles in our lives and how she wanted them out. Well last Sunday I guess something happened [...]
June 7th, 2012 @ 10:44 pm
I am happy for you. There is always times in our life that we are suffering from a lot of failures. However, you must not stop yet go on with your life and find the right pathway of happiness. Like what you did, you didn’t let problem overpower on your situation. Indeed, you keep going and fortunately you have find right now peace. I am glad to know that your kid has a great time with his dad. I am happy for his changes. Hope you will be a happy family in the near future.
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June 24th, 2012 @ 2:08 am
I think you need more time before getting back with this man…I’m happy that you have forgotten about the past though:)
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June 25th, 2012 @ 4:27 am
I love reading this post. It is better to set free all the hurts and let go of the past since this is just the only way for you to be happy and enjoy what you have right now.
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July 29th, 2012 @ 11:00 pm
It is better to let go of the past for the better future. Since the past was not totally good to remember it is better to let it stays on the past and go on to make your life more meaningful together with your loving family.
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