Raw and Honest Blog of a New Single Mom

I am a single mother of a biracial baby boy just trying to make it on my own. This journey is hard, yet rewarding. Blogging is my therapy, these words are my heart, and people doing better and being inspired by what I have written is my passion and hope.

Single Mom Starting New Life

Posted on | August 24, 2012 | 89 Comments

Lately I have had the overwhelming urge to start over and make a new life for myself. I just don’t like where I am in life and location anymore. I feel so lost and am constantly wondering “what next?”. All of my friends have left this state and have made wonderful new lives for themselves in their new locations, leaving me to be the last Oklahoman standing. I know absolutely no one here yet I have been here all of my life. Pretty sad … I dunno. I am finding myself needing to start over one way or another. I’m just not sure I want to do it here, I’m not happy here. I kinda wanna follow suit of my friends and get out ASAP.

For one, I’m not meeting a lot of new people I connect with, both friends and dating. I feel like most people here that I come across just don’t get me. For 2) There’s not much going on here that allows for someone like me to get out and meet people. I’d like better opportunities to do what I enjoy, but can’t find many that don’t involve getting drunk. Or eating.

But then that leaves so many questions I have to ask myself. Like “Where do I go?” I could move to Texas which is where half my friends have gone. I will know people and will definitely have more opportunities. But sometimes I feel like Texas is just a nicer version of Oklahoma. I want change. I want to be around different people than I’m used to. I want diversity and a little bit more … liberalness. Some place like NYC, though I’m not sure I, a small city girl, could handle NYC. And I have absolutely no connections there.

I also wonder “How will I meet new people?” I’m single, a mother and I work from home. If I move some place where I know no one who will watch my son for me allowing me to have free weekends or time to spend in my endeavors? I love my son, but could I really stand to be tied to him 24-7 with no breaks?

So much that needs to be worked out.

My question is, have any of you single moms done what I want to do? Have you packed up and made a new life for yourself somewhere with a kid in tow? If so how did it work out? Did you have the same concerns I have? How did those work out?

I mean I still have a couple years. I wanna finish my school, I need to save, get a car and get back on my feet. But still. 5 years tops and I’m gone. I really really long for change.

Comments

89 Responses to “Single Mom Starting New Life”

  1. Carmen
    August 26th, 2012 @ 1:27 pm

    Hi!

    I have to say that moving is hard, single or not. The first year is lonely because not only do you not know anyone, but you don’t know the area at all. Nothing feels like home. If you have family close by, it does make it easier. Nothing is impossible though. It is also hard to find good child care again, but again, nothing is impossible.

    You have to do what you need to do to be happy. A happy mom makes life better for a child. That’s for sure. Over time, you will know what is best. Just make sure you try to be as prepared as possible. Make sure you have a job and a place to live. Also know that friends may or may not want to help you out. As they say, the grass isn’t always greener, you know? Only move somewhere if it a place that you know that you want to be.

    Have you looked up any single mom groups on FB or maybe on meetup.com? That’s usually my first stop when I move somewhere new (we are military) or need to widen my circle of support.

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  2. Anamarie
    August 31st, 2012 @ 3:49 am

    Moving implies a lot of change not only in the location, but every aspect of your life. It’s like you’re going to start afresh. I am single mom and awhile back I had to move to another town where I had found a better job and it took me awhile to adjust, but it eventually got better. So I will just advice you to trust your guts, and if it change they call for then go for it.
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  3. Sheila
    September 3rd, 2012 @ 9:57 pm

    I hope the best for you because I am also think about the same thing. I am a new single mom and I am also in Oklahoma. I got a new job so I am not able to leave because it took a long time just to get this job. One time I will advice you to do is to plan very well because you do not want to be unstable with a child in a infamous place. Also, take it to God he will not steer you wrong.
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  4. Vicky
    September 11th, 2012 @ 8:57 am

    Hey, I just found your blog and it looks interesting, you should post more!

    I’m from the UK so can’t comment on US cities to move to, but I’m interested to see how you fare moving away. I’ve lived in the same city my entire life, and would love to move away but I’m facing the same sort of worries as you: who will look after my child, how will I meet people, will I get on any better there than here?

    In terms of meeting new people, I would assume a larger city like NYC would have more social things going on for mothers than somewhere smaller and more “local,” here in the UK churches have mother and baby groups and toddler groups, and there are government sponsored Childrens’ Centres all over the place that have all sorts of support and groups available. Do they do things like that in the US?

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  7. M. Davis
    September 20th, 2012 @ 5:46 pm

    I completely understand where you are coming from and moving can be difficult. I was a single mother of 10 children and was faced with the same difficulties.

    From your post, it sounds like you are not happy where you are. Hearing the frustration and sadness in your words is pretty evident. I can see your conflict.

    Here is an exercise you can do to get clear on what your next GOOD move will be for the happiness of you and your child.
    1. write a list of all the things you currently don’t like about where you are now.
    2. Next to each one, write down what you would like instead of that.
    3. Compare the two. If your current place has NO signs of having what you want or need, then its time to move on.
    4. what kind of setting do you see yourself in? More city area, where there are more activities or maybe suburban where it is quieter.
    5.Look up different cities and areas that appeal to you.
    6. Next, check out activities in the area. Are there many programs for children? What is the entertainment life there?

    This can help point you in your direction. You may go through this exercise and realize you really don’t want to leave your area. You may just want to explore it even further. But if you do want to move, remember this:

    Moving is always a bit scary. You don’t know what to expect and you hope that you love and can prosper there with your son. When you are in a happier place, your son will be too.

    I’ve lived in Philadelphia, New Jersey, and all over the Midwest with my children. And while it was intimidating to get up a relocate, there were always better opportunities around the corner. Blessings!

    Marie
    The Single Mom’s Guide

  8. Tiffany
    September 21st, 2012 @ 2:21 pm

    I just came across your blog and saw this post and thought I’d give you a little insight.

    I have, in the past, when I had a little girl (not quite in school) picked up and left where I was. Several times. I moved from DC, to California, to Dallas, to back home, etc. Just to travel. Nothing ever panned out to something serious, however I think at that time I didn’t have quite the idea as far as career or college, etc. So I think that’s why I never ended up staying at any of the places I enjoyed visiting for long term.

    I will say this, if you do want a life change, do it NOW while your kids are young. Don’t wait until school age, because then it just simply gets hard. Also, have enough money for yourself to start out (daycare expenses, etc), as you wouldn’t be able to receive help in any state right away (some states require to be 90 days, some a year). I started as a live in nanny in California to start. This helped me get to know people, and take care of my child and others in the same time.

    I loved traveling. I loved seeing new things. I just ended up coming back is all. If you have it in your heart and mind, go ahead! Do it! I know I would’ve lasted longer had I a career track in mind or a college in mind to keep me focused.

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  11. vivi
    November 21st, 2012 @ 2:07 pm

    It’s funny. I’m thinking about doing the same thing. I’m a single mum of a 5 year old boy but I live in London (UK). I’m in college, my son just started pre-school that’s what’s stopping me.

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  13. Please Consider This
    December 26th, 2012 @ 3:26 am

    I understand your frustration. I was in your situation and was able to move and turn things around. Its scary, but there are definitely ways to make it happen while still having somewhat of a cushion underneath you.

    I was able to make this happen by transferring colleges. I went from one college that was primarily a commuter school, to a traditional out-of-state college that offered single parent housing. My expenses were cut dramatically because these apartments include all utilities, cable, and water for a rental price that is below market value.

    There, I was able to meet new friends (single and parenting alike), use the child care offered on campus, find a job on campus, join an on-campus single parent support group, and still go back home on school breaks.

    Large universities have all the essentials a single parent needs. Career services, child care, a gym, social people, on-campus job fairs, etc.

    I was able to find a full-time job on campus. When you work full-time for the school, tuition remission is part of your benefits package. My key to success was living on campus while taking online classes. Work, take classes (part-time) at home on my own schedule, and still have access to all the resources the school has to offer. When you live and work on campus, everything is within a 15 minute radius. I met two other girls who were single parents and we alternated babysitting for each other. Each of us would babysit one evening every other week for free.

    I know all this sounds like a lot. But its doable, and honestly, I had so much fun. I was able to participate on campus, while living off-campus in a family oriented environment that was managed by the university.

    I also know that this approach might not work for everyone, but it did for me. The sacrifice was worth it. I now hold a bachelor’s and a master’s degree, and work for a fortune 50 company that pays well. Also, I still keep in touch with some of the friends I made in college. I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world.

    Consider this option seriously if you can!

  14. Jamika
    January 8th, 2013 @ 12:03 pm

    Hey, you are doing great. you are a strong single mom congratulations on all you have accomplished

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  17. Amy
    March 31st, 2013 @ 11:08 pm

    This is the first blog that I have ever subscribed to. I need a little input on how to do all this, as I am not that computer literate. All I know is I need to connect to some other single mom’s who are looking for a new start and get some advice and input….

  18. RaeOfJoy
    April 7th, 2013 @ 8:25 pm

    Hi! Glad to see you back. I know how you feel….I’ve wanted to move farther south for awhile. But after thinking more and weighing the pros and cons….I decided to make the best of where I am. Moving miles n miles away from my friends and family would only add to my anxiety. I have problems with anxiety and the thought of moving where I have no support system….makes me anxious just thinking abt it. But I agree with M. Davis….she has the right idea!

  19. Black Cat
    April 23rd, 2013 @ 9:18 pm

    I love your blog post. It is so important to have an outlet. As a woman raised by a single mom who did the best she could, I sure wish that she had something like this many years ago. She kept so much to herself because she didn’t have many girlfriends with which to share. Thank you for your transparency. You have been a blessing to other single moms. ;) Keep it up.

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  21. Erica
    May 25th, 2013 @ 4:38 pm

    wow, I’m thinking of the same thing.. I’m from a small town and thinking of moving to NYC with my son.. I’m faced with the same issues.. I can’t connect with anyone here.. I want more.. More diversity, culture, places to shop, chill.. More activities for my son… It’s so hard trying to get the right mindset and know the first thing to do moving to another place. Especially to a much bigger city like NYC.. I am on the pursuit to happiness though. =)

  22. Erica Norton
    May 31st, 2013 @ 4:33 pm

    I can relate to what you are going through.I too am a single mother.The only difference from your situation and mine is that my sons are now 17 and 22 years old.It has been a long hard road.I have always dreamed of moving somewhere new and starting over.But that doesn’t mean that whatever problems you have now won’t follow you.It is an awful lot to consider.Afterall,It isn’t just about you anymore.I encourage you to continue your education.Think outside the box as to ways you could earn an honest income and be able to support yourself and son without having to depend on anyone.I went with a non traditional “female” job and got into the industrial construction industry.Would I recommend this to every single mother out there?Absolutely not.You need to have a thick skin to work around a bunch of men.It is extremely physical,a nomads life style of living out of a suit case 6/8 months out of a year,very expensive up front costs,etc.But,on the positive side of things.I have gotten to see a lot of fresh new places while traveling abroad.Some I had fallen in love with and others not so much.The bottom line,I always have found myself coming back to the only place I have ever known as home.All of my childhood girlfriends have moved away,married,have families,etc.It can feel very lonely and isolating being a single parent.Especially if you aren’t into the bar/club scene.There is a site that I just learned about meetup.com.I thought about checking it out.My sister said she has met a ton of people on that site with her same common interests.Maybe this would be a good start for you.before you make a huge move that you may really end up regretting.My best wishes to you and your son.Please feel free to keep in touch.

  23. shakema P.
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    I’m in the same situation, so i totally understand. I am originally from NYC born and raised till the age of fourteen. I moved to Alabama with my mom and siblings back in 1997, but i never felt like this is home. I am a single parent to a one year old son that love and adore to death, he is my everything. I am not happy here and with things that are going on in my life and more importantly want a better opportunity and life for my child and I. I have been thinking about moving to california, where I have family and the weather is tolerable.

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