Is This Really My Life As I’ll Know It?
Posted on | February 9, 2009 | 5 Comments
Wow, how do you even get over the used up feeling? Between being impregnated by a loser boy who never gave a fuck a bout me and could give two shits about his child (and a boy who I never loved or wanted a serious relationship with either)… to being broken up with by a seemingly great guy and good friend for being knocked up by the Loser Boy … to losing a good majority of friends/acquaintances who want nothing to do with me, think lowly of me or just plain try to guilt trip me or make me feel bad for being a single mother .. I have close to no one now and it’s all happened within a months time period. Harsh.
All at once I just feel so used up and washed out at the young age of 23. Damaged goods. I hear all the time how being a single parent is so lonely and it’s hard to find friends or dates once this is your life. I had so much planned before parenthood, I wanted so much happiness .. is it really all over for me just because I have a child? Just because I’m one of those pesky single parents? Why does being a single parent have to make one a leper? Someone people look down their nose to and want to avoid at all costs?
My mom is a single mother. She had two friends and tons of brothers and sisters she talked to on the phone. Other than that I was her life, she never dated or anything. She spent all her time in the house with me, only leaving on Sundays for church and through the weekdays for work. She seemed content, but the life always seemed so lonely to me. I had always vowed I wanted to be different.
Now I feel as if I’m headed on the same path all because of one little slip up that turned into a little miracle. And every day I’m reminded of this by someone or something.
How depressing.
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5 Responses to “Is This Really My Life As I’ll Know It?”
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February 9th, 2009 @ 9:01 pm
You will lose a lot of people in your life throughout this experience… but you’ll also learn who your true friends are, who truly loves you. And while your posse may be smaller, it will be tighter than ever. And, in time, you’ll add more people to your life, and they will be true, valuable, solid people because you’ll only have room for the best. It’s hard now, I TOALLY get that, but it will get easier (I feel like I say that a lot, but it WILL dammit.)
My very best friend, the only one that I’d confided in when I suspected that I was pregnant, was essentially out of my life by the time my little one was born. She’s met my daughter MAYBE five times in 2 1/2 years. It happens. And, yeah, it sucks.
But new people will come, people you can relate to, people that will be there for you AND your little one. It’ll take time, but they will come.
Your friends now may be having a very difficult time understanding and processing what is happening with you. Maybe, hopefully, they will come to terms with it in time. But if they don’t, it’s their loss.
Your life is changing significantly, you may not recognize yourself or your life right now, but you’ll slip into the new role and you’ll be happier than ever.
You can still have so much, honey. You can and you will.
Your mother made a choice to live her life that way. And you can make a choice to live differently.
Hang in there.
P.S.Those pregnancy hormones blow.
February 10th, 2009 @ 6:36 am
Thanks Heather. I love your comments they always get to me!
I’ve seen it as a bittersweet thing that I’m finding out whose really there for me and who isn’t. But it hurts the fuck out of my little aching heart to have so much rejection piled up on me at once. Sometimes I’m impressed with how strong my heart is being and all it’s handling within this short amount of time and still it manages to beat on and on. My life continues, I keep treading.
Why did your best friend leave? Any explanation or did she gradually just disappear?
February 10th, 2009 @ 8:30 am
Your life is what you make it. You can still live a happy life being a single mom. It will be HARD, but this doesnt mean your life will be lonely. If your friends left b/c of this, then what the hell is wrong with them?? They were never your friends. You CAN do it! You seem so strong and you WILL do it!!!
February 10th, 2009 @ 7:37 pm
We just gradually grew apart.
We partied a lot together before I got preggo, and once I stopped all of that and starting focusing on making a life for the babe, we didn’t have a lot in common anymore.
She didn’t come to the hospital after I had my daughter because of the $2 parking charge.
You have been very strong through all of this… and you will continue to be amazed at the strength you have within yourself.
October 25th, 2009 @ 3:41 am
OMG!… my mom was the same exact way and still is! and just like you I always vowed that I would never end up like that but I feel that im going down the same path now, even for the fact that the way my ex turned out to be reminds me so much of how my dad treated my mom and I never wanted all that to happen to me. I doubt I will make the same mistakes my mom has made and still does make by letting my dad and his rude ass family walk all over here and put her down because I know im stronger than that. but im scared to be alone for the rest of my life, working and working and doing nothing else. I will give my life to my child but I don’t want to not have a life. All my friends already have kids and most are single and they go out all the time and pick up tons of guys and all that stuff that i guess you should do in your 20′s but sometimes I felt it was a bit too much when you have a kid. I want to figure out how to balance out the two, be there for my child and work hard for my child and love my child but still have fun and some “me” time every now and then.
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