Raw and Honest Blog of a New Single Mom

I am a single mother of a biracial baby boy just trying to make it on my own. This journey is hard, yet rewarding. Blogging is my therapy, these words are my heart, and people doing better and being inspired by what I have written is my passion and hope.

Scared

I’m so ready to have this baby and get everything over with. Arrrgh. I can’t take it anymore! I’m so scared. Somewhat excited, but mostly scared. I hate living my life with a bit of fear in my heart It’s just soo .. not how I like to do things. I’m afraid of the pain, [...]

Cravings and Urges

For some reason right now I feel compelled to call Daddy. Why? I have no idea. My fingers have been twitching to do this for awhile now. I don’t really have anything to say to him, nothing to ask him, nothing to share. I just wanna do it. I’ve been fighting off the urge though [...]

Reoccurring Nightmares

I have the weirdest nightmares sometimes .. like every few days I have about Daddy and they’re all the same but different. Basically in every dream he either kidnaps the baby or does something bad to it .. or he beats or murders me .. then kidnaps the baby. I have no idea why I [...]

So It Continues ..

I had a fight with my mom and my aunt today. They came over just to visit, but it turned into a bitchfest of how I’m not doing anything right and how I’m the worst parent ever so far. My apartment isn’t perfectly clean and thats unacceptable. I have the wrong kind of dishes, I [...]

Lonely, Depressed, Distressed …

Today I just had a realization of how alone I am. How upside down my world is. How my life is nothing like I imagined. How I feel so ashamed and disappointed with myself. Saying I’m alone could be a huge stretch, I do have family members, most of which are excited about my child [...]

Getting Stronger .. and Stranger

I woke up this morning with a whole new attitude, a fed up one. I’m tired of feeling hurt, feeling used, feeling pissed, feeling heartbroken, feeling disappointed. I’m coming to terms with being pregnant .. it isn’t so bad really. But I’ve let all of these people into my life, into my heart, into my [...]

Poked, Prodded, Cut Open …

I have to go get a physical tomorrow .. poked and violated in various places .. uuuggh. I’m honestly scared to death of it. The last time they attempted to take my blood they ended up busting my vein wide open. It was yummily painful .. ugh. Also, when I’m there I’ve made up my [...]

Feeling Meh, New Look for Blog

I feel so sick, meh. I spent all of yesterday pretty much crying my eyes out, having a mental break down, dabbing into depression, being mad at Thumper, being mad at men, being mad at love, being mad at my life in general, feeling insecure, feeling inadequate. This morning all that was still there too. [...]

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