I don’t have too much to say. My son has been crying nonstop again and we’re not sure why. The doctor saw him today and he’s not sure why either. He told me to go on and put him on cereal to see if maybe its tummy pains and if it improves. So yay! Today is Jack’s first day on rice. So far so good.
A bit of good news: I got a call with some positive news about my child support case .. but I won’t go into details of that until it actually plays out.

A bit of bad news (because it seems there ALWAYS has to be bad news to follow any good news. I feel like lately I’ve been stuck at a medium, not allowed to be completely happy or completely sad) is that I’ve been so tired lately .. I was driving yesterday, spaced out and ran up on a curb going about 45 mph. Needless to say it ripped a hole right in my tire! Now I have to buy a new one. JUST when I was slowly starting to get back ontop of my finances.

Second bit of bad news is that I think I’ve been fired from one of my jobs, but I’m not sure. If I have been it was a misunderstanding .. I hope it all gets worked out

…………………….

Lastly and irrelevantly some pics of me and the boy. Got my hurr did. They’re so blurry though

I really like these. I wish they weren’t blurry or I’d have them made into large pictures to frame and hang.

I stress it. I dread it. I get frustrated with it, but I swear all of that goes away the minute my son looks lovingly into my eyes and gives me the biggest smile ever. It all goes away when he sees me and gets so excited that he squeals, laughs, giggles and tells me all about his day in baby jibberish. God, I love him. I honestly feel like the luckiest woman in the world with the greatest son ever. I’ve never been so proud of anything in my life.
Just a little smile is all it takes for me to remember why I’m doing this, why I’m here, why everything is worth it.
I’m also overwhelmed with pride and happiness because last night, for the first time ever, my little baby slept 10 hours straight!! I’m so ecstatic. I’ve been noticing that lately his sleeping schedule has been getting a little more consistent .. during the day he seems to sleep so lightly, and I suppose that’s napping, but at nights he sleeps longer periods of time and has been pretty easy to put back to sleep when he does wake up allowing me to get a little more rest. You have no idea how ecstatic I feel right now.

Lastly, I’m seeing great improvements in his tummy time and ability to hold his head up. Yes, he’s still bobble headed but he can hold his noggin up and keep it up for long periods of time even though it bops about. I plan to work with him more on his stomach if he will allow me, so I can get him to roll easier and also I’m thinking of bringing out flash cards sometime next month. None of the “Your Baby Can Read” bs, but I think it would be beneficial to introduce numbers and letters to him.

Has anyone else started their baby off to learning when they were only a few months old? How far did you go as far as how many letters and numbers to introduce at a time and how long before you moved on to more? Did it really help your baby learn faster?

Seriously. How could I withstand the urge to buy an abundance of BabyLegs when leg warmers on my son’s little muscular legs just so happen to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life? And you know cold weather if just around the corner …

So I reasoned with myself and I splurged … my clicky finger got happy, I pressed “Check Out” and in the end I ordered $72 worth of legwarmers for Jack.

$72.

Fuck me.

On the bright side I have read and seen that legwarmers totally grow with the kids and they can wear them up until about age 3 or so. So … that’s gotta count for something. This is more like an investment than a senseless purchase.

Good mommy .. right? lol
RIGHT?!

So umm .. imagine my surprise when I was woken in the middle of the night by my cell phone only first to see my son completely missing from the Lounger! “OMFG!” I thought “Jack rolled on the floor! But he didn’t make a sound .. is he OK? OMG! He can’t be!”

Except no. Before I could get up to panic I realized that I felt a warmth next to my body, a “bump” beside my gut and a tiny hand resting on my giant boobs. I looked down and …

There he was. Jack had somehow removed himself from the angled Boppy, nestled himself perfectly aligned against my body, tucked himself in and was fast asleep next to me. I shit you not.

What the f* am I gonna do with this kid? How did this happen? He’s just too much!

I’m trying to focus on my little boy for now and there’s so much to focus on. For one, my god, he’s getting so big and it feels like time is just flying. He is so long, so strong, so grown minded and full of personality. He’s smiling and laughing now! What sets him off? I’m not too sure. Sometimes he will look at me and coo, giggle and make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world .. and then other days he will look at me like “Bish, get up out my face”.

Maybe because he realizes his mom is out of her mind.

For two, he’s already trying to stand and climb. Roll over and crawl. He’s so determined, yet his inexperience and tiny body are still holding him back just a little. He’s been attempting these things since birth. I swear he was only a bump on a log for maybe a day.

*~*Join Me While I Babble On About More Mommyness Below*~*

I took these pics the other day and I can’t help but squeal and spasm uncontrollably into all kinds of jerky “proud, happy mommy” moves. He’s so handsome and photogenic even through my shitty Nokia XpressMusic cameraphone! I often consider trying to enroll him in some sort of baby modeling, but I’m not really one to pimp out my child. I figure it’s not really his choice so why put him into something he might not want or enjoy? One of my main goala as a mother is not to force my son to be anything I want him to be. I only hope to influence him positively to be the best he can be, and achieve the things he would like to achieve.

Lastly, I’m sitting here staring at his face while he sleeps and I swear everyday he looks more and more like his dad. How he can look at our son’s face and still tell me he needs a paternity test is beyond me. The uncanniness still blows me away. Jack looks absolutely nothing like me, although there are days when for a split second he will make a face and look like Baby Bridgette That’s amazing to see.

But you know what? After all of this bullshit, come 5-10 years from now if I’m not close to being married or in a loving, stable relationship I honestly want Daddy’s sperm for more children. I know it sounds crazy, but dammit if we don’t make great babies together. Beautiful, smart, amazing babies.