Cravings and Urges
For some reason right now I feel compelled to call Daddy. Why? I have no idea. My fingers have been twitching to do this for awhile now. I don’t really have anything to say to him, nothing to ask him, nothing to share. I just wanna do it. I’ve been fighting off the urge though [...]
Reoccurring Nightmares
I have the weirdest nightmares sometimes .. like every few days I have about Daddy and they’re all the same but different. Basically in every dream he either kidnaps the baby or does something bad to it .. or he beats or murders me .. then kidnaps the baby. I have no idea why I [...]
Lonely, Depressed, Distressed …
Today I just had a realization of how alone I am. How upside down my world is. How my life is nothing like I imagined. How I feel so ashamed and disappointed with myself.
Saying I’m alone could be a huge stretch, I do have family members, most of which are excited about my child .. [...]
One Person Can’t Love Enough For Two Pt. 2
Hihihi I’m back. I’m trying to decide if I want to make this one long post or break it up into many mini posts.
So I said in my last post I would catch this blog up on the second half of things that went down when I was at Daddy’s and make a Pt. 2. [...]
One Person Can’t Love Enough for Two Pt. 1
I hope everyone had a good holiday! Mine was very nice. I got to spend lots of time with my family, I ate LOTS, got some money, Lakers beat the Celtics …
Ok, I have a confession to make. From December 18-December 24, minus December 21 when I wrote my last entry I was [...]
Reconciled with Daddy, Got Pics of Baby
For a short period of time Daddy and I reconciled. He came to me, apologized for everything he put me through and swore to me he was clean and had been for 1 month. He said he missed me and was ready to start bettering his life starting with taking care of me and our [...]
Better Feeling :)
I wanna thank everyone for the support and words of wisdom. Those who comment, email or talk to me in other forms I really appreciate it.
When I wasn’t posting I took a giant time out. I needed a break from thinking about babies and motherhood and I needed a break from obsessing over Daddy. It [...]
Overload
I’m only 1 month pregnant and already I’m showing too many symptoms. Teehee. My GAWD .. cramps, tender boobs, heart burn, mood swings. I feel so depressed right now and really for no reason.
Am I gonna bitch about Daddy this entry? Eh, not really cause I don’t feel like its him this time. Right now [...]
Where Are You?!
Day 6, no call from Daddy
I’m still counting, still caring. How long is he going to ignore us? What’s he doing right now? Does he ever think of me and baby? If so what kind of thoughts cross his mind? Does he still talk about us? If he does what does he say?
Ugh [...]
I Sleep So I Can’t Feel
I’ve slept a lot today. Mostly so I can pretend that none of this is real right now. Yes, I’m still confused, trying to find out what to do, what I’m going to do with my life, my child. It’s so hard.
On Friday when I left the Dad of my kid I was very emotional [...]
