The best way to heal with dignity (for both people after a breakup) is with NO CONTACT.

Raise your hand and repeat after me…

I, (state your name), do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy Ex. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior. I promise to act in a dignified fashion and that means I will not do stupid things, no matter how I might rationalize them. Therefore, I vow the following:

* I will not call him. No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I’ll have a friend do that, preferably via email.

* I will not email him. Not even an innocent and rather funny group email forward. I will not email him simply to give him back his stuff. I will not contact him at all.

* I will not frequent the places I know he goes to, even if I went there first and like it better. I acknowledge that this is not a pissing contest about territory. I know going to such places will hurt more than it will help. Until there has been some space and time between us, going to those places is asinine, can be viewed as stalker-ish and will be painful only to me.

* I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy, even with my best interest at heart. That includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he’ll never do better than me, or to share that I am looking fabulous, got a promotion, bought a new house, etc.

* I will screen all of my calls. I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put “private call block” on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it’s not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.

* I will not take his phone calls. I repeat, I will not take his calls.

* I will not return his phone calls or emails. If he is “just checking” to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he’s a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together, and I know this because he did not start out the communication with, “I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together.”

* I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. The only professional guidance I will seek will be that of a licensed therapist or member of the clergy.

* I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple’s therapy.

* I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way.

* I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty (30) days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This is about me feeling better and that has nothing to do with him.

This I do affirm. So help me.

Signed:

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No contact is like putting a cast on your broken leg (read: broken heart, broken relationship). The cast is awkward and uncomfortable, and at times you want to rip the damn thing off, but ultimately it’s the best, safest, and most stablizing way to let yourself heal. The cast (no contact) stays on until you are healed and truly ready to move on to something new.

Otherwise, continuing contact is like walking around on that broken leg. It hurts like hell, and it’ll never heal properly.

First I want to address the depression and the issues I have with Daddy that I wrote about. My problem is that I’m crazy. Seriously, lol, I feel like I am. I flip flop daily with how I feel and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m hormonal, or because I’m not capable of wallowing in my sadness for long. I’m much more of a “change things, regain control” type of person than someone who would rather constantly feel like “woe is me”. It’s probably a bit of both, no? Crazy mixed in there too.

My other problem is no matter how much of a piece of shit Daddy is, no matter how many times I feel satisfied without him, no matter how many times I feel I’m ok being a single mom raising our son on my own, I have a horrible habit of romanticizing him. I start imagining a man who is not him. A man who is happy, well adjusted and stable. A man who is capable of loving anyone other than himself. A man who deep down could be a loving father to both of his sons. A man who could be a great boyfriend if maybe I didn’t mess up somehow (as if how he acts towards me is my fault). So I become bitter. I become jealous. I become full of hate and anger.

But with his help I’ve pulled myself back to reality. He’s showed his ass once again and I realize he’s still as much of a loser as he ever was. And a piece of shit person at that. Yes I wish things were different, but they never will be. He will never ever change. Day by day I’m learning to accept that.

The lyrics to that whole song ring so true to me at this moment. This town, this state is SUFFOCATING. I feel like I’m cooped in with no where to go. I feel like I just can’t escape my thoughts of him. I feel like he is haunting me every where I turn! I.CAN.NOT.BREATHE!

I was reading Matt Logelin’s Blog and was thinking how cool it is that Matt just seems to travel the world on a regular basis. Every time I give his blog a visit he seems to be headed to a new destination. I’m envious! That’s my dream. I have so many spots marked on my map. My preferred order is California> NYC> Hawaii> Backpack Europe> Australia.

There’s always been an excuse why I cannot travel. Formerly it was work obligations, then it became financial, then it became the baby. Yes, I’ve been cooped up in good ol Oklahoma for 7 years now. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.

I whipped out my American Express, pulled up Expedia.com and began booking a trip to Sacramento, California. One of my best friends, Steve, lives there. I’ve been telling him for nearly 10 years now that I’m going to visit him and it’s all been talk but now I’m ready for some action.
I gave Steve a call before confirming anything and asked him how he would like some company on Halloween. I crossed my fingers and as anticipated I got a big ol “HELL YEAH!” on the other end

My god, I’m so excited. I need this. I deserve this.

He may have changed my life, but I will not let him ruin it. I will not be consumed by him. I cannot control him, but I can control my life. My happiness. My success. My dreams are still alive and I will make them happen. I will continue on. I will overcome. I will prosper.

His dad may not be around to love him, but I look at my son and he’s OK. He’s happy. He’s not aware of all the bullshit. He knows me. He knows that I’m his mommy and that I love him very much and take good care of him. What’s a Daddy?

If he’s just fine then all is not lost. We will be fine.

This is the beginning of my new life. Hello, world. Here I come

It’s not hard to see why I was so into him. He made his move on me at a perfect time. I was hurt and vulnerable over the reality that my dreams were not going to come true with Daddy. I was not going to have a perfect family, with a perfect, loving mother and father joined with a perfect baby. I was not going to be Mrs. Cleaver 2009. And I was accepting that. No, I wasn’t looking for immediate love nor was I looking for a immediate replacement father for my child, but I was looking for a friend. Someone I could confine in and talk to about everything. Someone who would listen and uunderstand. Someone who would comfort me and wipe away me tears.He was there.
He was amazing and he was my rock. He would comfort me, support me and he made me see the good in every thing. Not only that he made me feel beautiful, he made me feel special. He was a guy who was there caring for me when other guys were running because they expect the worst from pregnant chicks. How could I have not fallen inlove with him? That all makes sense. He was perfect. But not really.

All of this .. all I’ve went through with men in the past and present, everything I’ve witnessed and learned about relationships .. it all inspires me to work harder to be an excellent mom. I have a little man who I am in charge of raising. What type of man he will be solely relies on me and I refuse to fail. I refuse to add on to the asshole population. I refuse to have a poor girl 18 years from now feel the way I do by actions of my boy. It’s just not going to happen.

Not to this perfect little boy who is my strength. This perfect little boy who is the reason I’m living right now and look forward to life. The perfect little boy who is the reason I’m up at 5:13 working when I’d rather be sleeping.

And from this moment on I push forward leaving back the past, but not forgetting what it has taught me. From this moment on I push forward not only for myself but for my perfect baby boy.