By Sunday night I was hospitalized and it turned out I my appendix was about to explode, plus I had an ovarian cyst so I had to get those bad boys removed. All my life I dreaded surgery but I guess with modern technology it’s not that bad. I have two unnoticeable stomach incisions and one c-section incision. I’ve been healing without pain meds. I was released Christmas Eve and spent time over my moms with my son. Christmas was just us 3 being snowed in her cozy apartment. I have to say that she drove me absolutely batshit insane after living with her a month and my son was picking up too many bad habits such staying up until midnight, wanting to be held at all times, throwing a fit when he doesn’t get his way .. all of which my mom catered to. No ma’am Miss Pam! so I pleaded to come home and here we are.

It’s so nice be home again, just the two of us. It’s still a little difficult to take care of him and he’s such a big crier and whiner now, but hopefully we can both be back to normal within a week or so.

I’m having hope for my body. Jack Jack is so low that I feel like he’s going to fall out of me, I’ve started to lose my mucus plug and my body has been cleaning itsself out. Plus I’ve had a surge of energy and been going through the whole nesting stage. I’ve never experienced one contraction though. At least not to my knowledge.

Keep your fingers crossed for me! Thanks for everyone’s tips in the last post as well. I’ve been trying them.

Yeah life is miserable right now. I’m huge, uncomfortable and in so much pain. I’m also sad that my belly suddenly produced stretch marks that go all that way up underneath my tits Fuck you body. Whyyyy?? At least one good thing is happening and that’s my skin is clearing up the dryness and pregnancy mask which relieves me since I was so afraid it would not go away.

Now back to waiting! Just wanted to update.

Doctor checked my cervix and I’ve made no progress at all. Cervix is thick and clamped absolutely no dialation. Grrr. More than that he said my blood pressure is up and if things don’t get better next appointment they may start considering a csection. Damn damn damn. I know I used to want a Csection but I’m so afraid of them now. I guess because I’ve conditioned myself to get used to the idea of vaginal births.

Anyway, when my doctor checked me he irritated my cervix I suppose. It hurt SO bad and I’ve been bleeding like mad with these horrible cramps. Why do these fuckers have to be so rough some times?! Sometimes I feel like they think just because you’ve had sex or are about to have a baby they can be rough and you can take it. YOU HOAR! Haha.

I want to get out of the house today. Going to do some grocery shopping, maybe visit my aunt and then come home and finish redecorating.

Anyway, my mom and I went to Babies R Us today to take a look around and see what they had to offer. We pretty much wanted to buy up the whole store for my little boy but amazingly we left empty-handed.

I was really disappointed in the selection of boy stuff they had. They had tons of girl things such as clothes, bedding, swing padding and it was all very pretty but everything for boys was puke green, orange, navy blue and poop brown. Yuck. I love color. Bright, pretty colors and really can’t see throwing my son in such vomit-inducing rubbish LOL. I’ve come across more colorful things for boys online but it’s way more expensive. Oye.

QUESTION: When you start off buying things for your baby do you just buy one size and add on as he grows? (So far I’ve gotten him onesies in 0-3 months size because I doubt hell be 6lbs or less for very long if at all) Or do you stock up on sizes 0-3 mo, 3-6 mo?

I’m so nervous. I feel like I’m going on a blind date with someone I’ve been getting to know over email and occasional phone calls for the past 4 months. Only it’s probably more comparable to the mail-order marriage situation. One step closer to meeting my partner for life. Seriously. I almost wanna puke. I’m THAT nervous.

I’m not going to lie .. I do have a preference, admittedly if it’s not what I hope it will be I will be a slight bit disappointed, but only a slight bit. It sounds cliche but as long the baby is happy and healthy that’s all that matters to me most. And it’s true. So no one shoot me.

On a different note I apologize about the occasional site problems. If it goes offline it will be back shortly. I checked with my company and they said the issue is resolving. Thanks for your patience!

I’m so excited but so nervous. I’ve been waiting for this moment a loooooooong time and finally the suspense will (hopefully) be broken.

It’s so nice that I’ve gotten to a point that when my baby is involved I get overwhelmingly happy and nothing else matters. I love him SO much and I am so happy I have him. Daddy doesn’t matter, Thumper doesn’t matter, fake friends don’t matter. Just the little miracle in my belly that I can’t wait to have in my arms

I’ve been feeling a little better. I know my life can be what I make of it and I won’t let these men bring me down any more. They are not worth it and I am worth more than that. I’m searching for my own independence and self worth, I’m searching within myself to be the strong, confident woman I need to be not only for myself but for my baby. I can’t reach rock bottom like this any more. It’s just not healthy for either of us.

Honestly though, it’s the most amazing thing in the world to me right now. Every time he kicks tears well up in my eyes and I just have to caress my belly and tell him how much I love him. I desperately want the next 4-5 months over so I can hold him in my arms finally. Sigh.

I’ve actually gotten to a point where I freak out and kinda start to “miss” him when he doesn’t kick. Dangit, child. See how inlove with you I am?

In other news I have Chloasma aka Pregnancy Mask bad .. on the sides of my face, around my chin and on my neck. I feel so hideously ugly. Like Elephant Man status. I have a Dr. Appointment on Tuesday I think. I’m gonna ask for something for it and seriously I hope it works. :-\

I guess until then I’m gonna start going out with a face full of caked on make up ..

……………

My baby has been kicking a lot and it makes me feel like I have bubble guts. I hate that feeling .. but I love those little kicks. Hopefully that means someone is happy. I can’t wait to have that little someone in my arms

I’ve been trying to create of a list of Newborn Must Haves .. maybe those who read this blog can help me out. This is what I have so far ..

*Baby Medicine
*Burp rags
*onesies and sleepers
*crib
*swing
*play mat

Hmm, what else is necessary that I’m missing? I guess maybe a breast pump, bottles, milk bag ..

……

My nose has been bleeding like crazy and it feels irritated. I’ve read that it’s a natural part of being pregnant but I hate it. I’d never had a nose bleed before in my life and it freaks me out In fact I nearly fainted yesterday .. or maybe I did for a few seconds. Meh .. but haha I told you guys I’m whimp.

….

I really want to get over my cravings for sweets .. Skittles, cupcakes, ice cream, juice .. I’m feeling sick of it as I’ve never been a sweets fan and it always leaves the worst after taste in my mouth. Blech. I can’t stop eating them though. Actually I can’t stop eating much of anything! Oddly and thankfully I’ve not gained 1 lb yet. WOOHOO!

Other than that I suppose everything is well. My body is aching as my belly is stretching. I feel kinda like a blob physically. Mentally I’m ok. Just a bit lonely and stir crazy. I’m stuck alone inside of my apartment because there’s so much snow and ice out. I just wanna see another human being, talk face to face with someone, have someone to giggle with or watch a movie with. Ya know .. whatever!

……
Also, I miss Thumper. For the most part the heartache over the end of our “romantic” relationship is over .. although in a way the “romance” is still there. We still talk the same and act the same, like a loving couple. He still wants to be there and hold my hand in the delivery room. I want him to.

I’ve been craving him so much lately its crazy and almost feels like an obsession. I crave his body, his eyes, his smile, his voice .. more than anything his arms around me at night. I miss feeling his little kisses along my back, neck, shoulders and face following by a tight squeeze whenever he would randomly wake up at night. All those little things. I miss the fun we have together. He says he misses me and all that too.

Gah wtttffffffuuu …