Dating a single parent always seemed less than ideal. I would hear words like “baggage”, “damaged goods” thrown around along with the unappealing idea of taking care of someone else’s child.

A beautiful and wonderful woman who happened to also be a single mommy took me under her wing while I cried and bitched and she told me as far as men go “Don’t even worry about that. When you have that baby, and even when you become visibly pregnant, you won’t be able to walk out of the door without men throwing themselves at you. Trust me you’re going to do fine”.
And she went on to tell me her theories why a high caliber of men were attracted to single mothers and how she had no problems getting into dating when she was ready.

I listened and believed her, but I didn’t think the same would happen for me .. until this past week when for former male acquaintances saw me with my son and asked me out.

So strange it all happened the same.

Them: “Oh wow so you have a baby now?”
Me: “Yeah this is my son”
Them: “Wow that’s truly amazing. I had no idea! How do you like being a mom? Are things much different for you?”
Me: “I love being a mom! My son is the greatest thing that ever happened … and things are very different. There’s always change when you become responsible for another human being. Majority of it’s good change. I’m still the same, but more grown up .. I have to be you know?”
Them: “Yeah totally that’s awesome. So you’re not all that wild anymore, huh?”
Me: “Noo .. I’m kinda boring now actually”
Them: *laughs* “No never! Are you with his father? Do you guys have a good relationship?”
Me: “No we are no longer together. Our relationship is fine yes” (I never speak negatively about my BD to people and I never let them know what our relationship is like in detail. I’d prefer to avoid him in conversation all together.)
Them: “That’s really good. So wow it’s great to see you again .. Look I know things may be a little busy for you now, but I’m wondering if there’s a chance I could take you out sometime? Maybe dinner or something?”

Four days in a row .. lol. Wow,what’s the deal? I find it very flattering especially during a time in my life where I’m finally beginning to value my self-worth again and I am working on my self esteem to know I “got it” and know that I can move on from certain men and there will always be more out there to choose from, me with a kid and all.

But all the same I’m not ready to date. I’m not completely happy with myself nor am I all that confident. While I’m getting my life together everything is still a mess right now while I’m learning how to be the sole parent of a beautiful baby boy. He’s the only man I have time for in my life now. Plus I’m not in a hurry to ax my title as “Single” right now.

What I am in a hurry to ax are my lonely feelings. The number of friends I have are so low now. Even those who I thought could be true I’ve learned aren’t that interested in hanging out with me if it’s not in a bar or club and that’s just totally not my scene anymore. IS there anyone out there who enjoys laid back things anymore? OR any women who enjoy having relaxed girl’s nights without constantly tagging their uninvited boyfriends alone so they have someone to make out with all night?

Let’s hope I find out!

….

I really want to get over my cravings for sweets .. Skittles, cupcakes, ice cream, juice .. I’m feeling sick of it as I’ve never been a sweets fan and it always leaves the worst after taste in my mouth. Blech. I can’t stop eating them though. Actually I can’t stop eating much of anything! Oddly and thankfully I’ve not gained 1 lb yet. WOOHOO!

Other than that I suppose everything is well. My body is aching as my belly is stretching. I feel kinda like a blob physically. Mentally I’m ok. Just a bit lonely and stir crazy. I’m stuck alone inside of my apartment because there’s so much snow and ice out. I just wanna see another human being, talk face to face with someone, have someone to giggle with or watch a movie with. Ya know .. whatever!

……
Also, I miss Thumper. For the most part the heartache over the end of our “romantic” relationship is over .. although in a way the “romance” is still there. We still talk the same and act the same, like a loving couple. He still wants to be there and hold my hand in the delivery room. I want him to.

I’ve been craving him so much lately its crazy and almost feels like an obsession. I crave his body, his eyes, his smile, his voice .. more than anything his arms around me at night. I miss feeling his little kisses along my back, neck, shoulders and face following by a tight squeeze whenever he would randomly wake up at night. All those little things. I miss the fun we have together. He says he misses me and all that too.

Gah wtttffffffuuu …

I was thinking about a post that I made on the Single Family Voices forum where a poster had said that he was thinking about dating a lady who is currently all jacked up from a relationship she just got out of and how he feels so attracted to her despite all of this.

Normally I would tell a person to run for the hills if they were considering a relationship with this type of person but it made me think of my current situation. I was fresh out of a relationship with Daddy, going through all the bitterness and disgust when Thumper started showing interest to me. Daddy and I were still on the outs and not speaking much when Thumper and I got close and began developing feelings for one another.

Lo and behold when things started to lift slightly off the ground for us Daddy called and wanted me back. I was faced with a tough decision and ended up choosing Daddy and Thumper was devastated. Funny though the whole time I was with Daddy, even when things were happy, all I could think about was Thumps and when I was alone I called him every single time. In my heart I knew he was who I wanted but I was as afraid of him as I was any other man really.

So Daddy and I had a huge fight while Thumper listened on the phone. I cried and he talked to me and soothed me and he kept me company my whole drive home. During that drive is when I realized how strong my feelings were for Thumps and that maybe I loved him.

A day later Daddy wanted to make up and have me back at his place and for some stupid reason I jumped and left Thumper behind, needless to say I crushed him again and I could hurt myself for that. Things didn’t go great with Daddy and even though we didn’t really fight I realized even more who I wanted in my life. So I left for home and called Thumper. He was mad at me but thank GOD he accepted me back.

I honestly don’t know what I would do without this man. He was there for me and understood me on a level no one else did or has when I’ve been at my lowest. When I’m with him I feel so, SO happy. When I’m sad just being in his arms or seeing a special look in his eye makes me feel ok. He makes me happy in so many ways and I just wanna do the same for him.

I showed him this blog and we worked out this misunderstanding regarding the baby and now I feel content, have understanding and am sure everything will work out.

Sorry for the mushy gushy post, but it feels so nice to finally be happy and have a good man in my life and I’m bored of talking about how much of a loser Daddy is lol. It’s probably too soon into our relationship to say all this to others but I just can’t help it.

I miss him so much. I hope to see him again for Valentines, but until then I’m gonna spray my pillow down with his scent and fall happily asleep. Nini everyone

Mine was amazing. As I mentioned before I would be having a guest over, a new male I was thinking of maybe seeing .. I’ll refer to him as Thumper. He came to live with me for 1 week and we had the most amazing time. He’s very sexy, perfect tall, muscular body, goodlooking face, sweet, smart, caring, a great personality. We have a lot of chemistry together and he treats me very well. We have been friends for a little while, hes been there for me through the Daddy stuff. I’ve always known he was the better man and deserved a shot but I was afraid to give him a chance cause I felt like I HAD to be with the father of my child and attempt to work things out just because.

Anyway, Thumps and I decided to go ahead and give things a try and we had a great time. We mostly ate and slept ALOT, watched movies, played games, visited friends .. sounds hella boring, but it was fun because we were together and had fun just being in each others company.

The only thing that kinda brought me down was when he admitted to me that he loves me a lot, but that he doesn’t know if he’s ready to be a father figure to a kid he believes deserves the best. This kinda hurt me a lot because its what I’ve been afraid of all along. It hit me that for the first time I’m not dating for me and my heart, I’m dating as a mother .. I come with baggage. This realization just kinda smacked me down and reminded me that I’m exactly where I never dreamed I would be and what a less than ideal situation I’m in. How no matter how happy a man makes me or vice versa, if he’s not feeling my kid it’s all over. And not just because he doesn’t like my child, but that my child deserves to be treated as well as I do.

The truth is that Thump’s confession left me a little confused. It’s not that I’m looking for a replacement Daddy for the baby in Thumper or any other man and wasn’t aware that maybe I was giving that impression. I think Thumps would be a good guy for my baby to be around,yes, but my plan was never to pop the baby out and shove him or her on Thumper to father, ya know? My intentions were that if something were to work out between us I would balance and love both Thumps and Baby the best I could on different levels, but that’s been my intention if I were to start dating any man who I felt I loved, who truly loved me and who could accept my baby. And by accept I mean the kid would be something they were “cool” with, not something they would “deal” with if that makes any sense.

Anyway, Thumper and I agreed to continue on with the relationship and take it one day at a time to see how things work out as he felt it would be worth it. I think that’s probablyy best but a bit scary at the same time.