By Sunday night I was hospitalized and it turned out I my appendix was about to explode, plus I had an ovarian cyst so I had to get those bad boys removed. All my life I dreaded surgery but I guess with modern technology it’s not that bad. I have two unnoticeable stomach incisions and one c-section incision. I’ve been healing without pain meds. I was released Christmas Eve and spent time over my moms with my son. Christmas was just us 3 being snowed in her cozy apartment. I have to say that she drove me absolutely batshit insane after living with her a month and my son was picking up too many bad habits such staying up until midnight, wanting to be held at all times, throwing a fit when he doesn’t get his way .. all of which my mom catered to. No ma’am Miss Pam! so I pleaded to come home and here we are.

It’s so nice be home again, just the two of us. It’s still a little difficult to take care of him and he’s such a big crier and whiner now, but hopefully we can both be back to normal within a week or so.

Thanksgiving was really nice .. I was so happy to be spending it with my son for the first time ever .. but all the same these holidays are kinda rough. Everyone loves the new baby you know so they fuss over him and pass him around a lot. There are so many faces he isn’t used to and so many loud voices that he was so overwhelmed. Odd thing is when he’s around people he doesn’t know he doesn’t cry. When he has had enough of a particular situation he kinda gets this worried look on his face and he might groan a little, yet he’s too concerned with what’s going on that he won’t eat or sleep either. I took him home that night, just us two, and he really let me have it. All of that pent up frustration .. I never heard him cry so hard!

One more to go! I think we will be having a big Christmas dinner as well.
Speaking of I don’t know what to get for my son .. I mean Christmas came pretty early this ear because last month I bought him a Baby Einstein tunnel, this past week I bought him $200 worth of winter clothes and toys. Plus he doesn’t even know the difference.

He can crawl now, he’s sitting up independently, he can roll, switch directions and push up on his toes when he’s on his hands and knees. He’s mostly obsessed with trying to stand, walk and jump .. so I really wanna get him a Jumperoo but I have a cross fear of him not wanting to play with it .. and also my aunts or cousins buying him one. A couple of them have said they want to get him one or a walker (which btw I don’t want and keep trying to drop hints not to get we have carpet!) .. so either way if I get one now I fear I will waste money.

Oh yeah .. a random thought .. one thing thats currently REALLY bugging me when I let him stay with other people is how cute everyone thinks it is that my son is entranced with television so they will sit right there close infront of it with him for as long as possible and just let him stare. At first I didn’t mind if it was occasional and only for a minute or two but now it’s starting to chap my ass because I feel it’s the making of a bad habit. I don’t watch TV myself and I don’t wanna raise my son to watch tv either. I mean there are so many other better things to do than just sit there for hours .. so this is another habit I’m going to have to get my relatives to break.

The same applies to me. Lately I feel bored and like I need to be intellectually stimulated somehow because I don’t feel I’ve been learning much of anything. I think in Jan I will go back to school if I can.

Anyway, this entry is all over the place and pretty random but I just wanted to catch up. I’m going back to bed now.

Seriously. How could I withstand the urge to buy an abundance of BabyLegs when leg warmers on my son’s little muscular legs just so happen to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life? And you know cold weather if just around the corner …

So I reasoned with myself and I splurged … my clicky finger got happy, I pressed “Check Out” and in the end I ordered $72 worth of legwarmers for Jack.

$72.

Fuck me.

On the bright side I have read and seen that legwarmers totally grow with the kids and they can wear them up until about age 3 or so. So … that’s gotta count for something. This is more like an investment than a senseless purchase.

Good mommy .. right? lol
RIGHT?!

Ok, this is SO much harder than I thought it was going to be .. being a single mama to an infant. I never thought it was going to be easy, but damn it’s tough!

Jack and I are still staying with my mom while I heal from labor and I don’t know how it’s going to work when we come home. She relieves me for about 2 or 3 hours at night to get some sleep but during the day I’m on my own unless an aunt stops by to help out and wow it’s been so difficult trying to get back into the swing of things. I have no time to work nor do I have time to care for my self because the only way my son will be quiet most of the time is if I’m holding him, soothing him. I held him for 10 hours straight yesterday. He’s been sick lately with serious gas, lots of poops and tummy aches .. has has a doctor appointment tomorrow.
My mom and I don’t even cook so we eat fast food every day and man do I feel like crap. And it’s not helping me get rid of these 60 lbs of baby weight (and big fat gut and ass) any faster.

My mom and I are starting to butt heads because lately she keeps commenting on how horrible of a parent I am to Jack. If I swaddle him I’m torturing him cause it’s a baby straight jacket. If I give him gas drops to make him feel better it’s my fault that he broke out in a rash from something unknown last night. If I let him cry a little instead of stuffing a bottle in his mouth to shut him it’s neglect. It’s my fault she has an infestation of roaches that may crawl on the baby’s bottles. Grr.

The reason I’m home now is because I was watching my son. He was really cranky but he kept yawning so I said to him “Baby go to sleep! You’re tired and mommy is tired! Let’s rest!”

My mom overheard me and came in the room to snatch my baby away and said “Sorry, grandson, you got a mama who has no sense and doesn’t know how to treat you.
I told her to just shut it with the crap she pulls and give me my son back, but she said “No I’m keeping him” and locked herself up in her room with him .. so I came home to cool off and not scare my baby.

I’m surprised she went there especially since the other night I caught her yelling at my baby as he cried saying “Shut up boy! All you do is cryin like a little sissy and I’m tired of listening to you”

I was so pissed and asked her never to speak to my baby like that again. I’m never mean to my son and always gives him my very best.

I seriously feel like it’s time for Jack and I to come home but I don’t know how I’m going to survive.

Wish me luck mamas!

…………………….

Anyway, I’m 34 weeks pregnant this week! I’ve found myself nesting a lot lately .. well the best I can being this large. I managed to get baby boy his own little closet cleaned out n organized in my becomingly cramped studio (I seriously can’t wait to move) though not all of his stuff fits in it. He still has so much more that needs to be squished in and organized.

Here’s a picture of Mr. Spoiled Brat’s closet so far

I went crazy last week and spent nearly $1,000 buying last minute items for him that I didn’t get at his shower and I have yet to organize any of it. I swear I can’t walk into a store without shopping the baby section and I can’t leave the baby section without making a purchase (or 5). I’ve been promising myself I’m going to quit. Really. I’m going to try. Gosh I’m going to make him so spoiled. I know that if I keep this up I will have given birth to Sid Vicious v2 but I can’t help myself. I’m such a proud and excited mommy who just can’t be stopped hehe. (Speaking of Sid Vicious that makes me want to go out and buy some Rock-inspired baby gear. I saw some at BRU and Target that was sooooo cute! OY!)